One Week In-tertainment (1-09-10)

By Jake 

Here's some more celebrity news/gossip for you clowns.

A prequel to the remake of John Carpenter's The Thing is in the works. I thought it was about the "It's clobberin' time!" yelling The Thing.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie took their children to see Mary Poppins. I guess People reports on everything they do. That's pretty pathetic, isn't it?

Kanye West wrote a blog post saying he's only going to get better. Shocking! Rappers are usually so humble.

Vince Vaughn got married. Sorry ladies.

Some rich lady died. An heiress, I think.

Russell Brand and Katy Perry are engaged. I can't believe two people I don't give a shit about are getting married!

Gary Coleman is fine after a trip to the hospital. That's probably a bending of the word 'fine.'

Kate Gosselin got a 20-hour hair makeover. How fucked up was her hair? Did she have gum in it? Who the fuck is she!? Doesn't she have 100 kids? Why is she getting a 20 hour hair cut?

Stephanie Pratt was sentenced to 3 years probation. I don't know who she is. She probably sucks.

Rumor has it that Leno is headed back to 10:30 (Central) for a half hour of torturous garbage. Conan would present his awful hour long show, followed by the terrible Fallon show.

Jared, the former fat guy who the nation fell in love with due to his ability to lose weight by spending all of his money on submarine sandwiches, is engaged.

Jon Gosselin has a new girlfriend. All I know about his is he's Asian and has a ton of kids.


  1. this was awesome. now i have things to actually talk to people about at work!

  2. Conan's show is amazing compared to Leno and Fallon and decent when compared to Letterman.

  3. I don't usually watch all of Conan, but this last week it was horrible. Not as bad as Leno, obviously, but still depressing.

  4. god, first brittany murphy, now some rich lady. it's a bad week for celebrity.

  5. are vince and jared by any chance engaged to each other? FANTASY FULFILLED!