G-G-G-Good Morning

By Katy

I'm not actually writing this in the morning. I'm writing this on Thursday night. I wanted to be honest about that flat out because writing for a blog is about trust and so am I. I'll be writing into the morning, so all is well. I hope you're ready for this good morning. We're going to talk about movies, vajazzling, and Korean boy bands. Hold on to your pants, it's Friday morning.



Today's Theatrical Releases

  • Cop Out (Rated R because it's directed by Kevin Smith)


  • Synopsis: The classic mix: An interracial crime fighting, joke cracking, wacky antics-ing, fun-loving cop duo go on the age old quest to find a stolen baseball card. But wait, there's more. Jimmy Monroe (Bruce Willis) is retired, and it's HIS baseball card. Further more Tracy Morgan is his partner, and he's black (according to IMDB), and his wife is probably cheating on him so he's too busy ranting and raving to find baseball cards. This really is the actual synopsis (other than that thing about Tracy Morgan being black).

    My Take: This movie is going to be hilarious.

    Fact #1: Bruce Willis is hilarious.
    Fact #2: Tracy Morgan is hilarious.
    Fact #3: Baseball cards are hilarious.

    I will most likely go see this movie because Bruce Willis as a cop will never get old and Jason Lee shows up at some point and I heart him (excluding that disastrous decision to take part in the Chipmunks movies). I AM furious that I have to withstand even a few minutes of Michelle Trachtenberg's screen presence, but the pain will be dulled by me not paying to view this movie. (Psst, I'm going to see an illegal copy on the Internets).

  • The Crazies (Rated R for takin' fools down)


  • Synopsis: This is a somewhat remake/loosely based on a movie from the 70's, except it's based in a small town in Pennsylvania instead of a small town in Iowa. A bunch of people in a small town in Iowa are happy with life until they all start killing each other when insanity spreads from neighbor to neighbor. The sheriff tries to stop it, but he's eaten by a batch of preschoolers who are then massacred by the second graders who get their shit handed to them by the sixth graders. Hilarity ensues.

    My Take: You should all be aware from Glenn's GM yesterday that I am currently living in Iowa. I think it's pretty obvious that I'll be viewing this movie because I need to know how to survive when insanity spreads to my hometown and I have to hide out from invading preschoolers. Also, I want my fellow Iowans to know how deeply I care about this state and movies based on it.

  • The Yellow Handkerchief (Rated PG-13 for gross underacting)


  • Synopsis: This is
    everyone's greatest road trip fantasy. Martine (the lifeless Kristin Stewart) is hanging out listlessly in a little Louisiana town when she decides to jump into the vehicle of the first stranger she meets; Gordy (Eddie Redmayne). While Martine joylessly and unemotionally evades Gordy's cat calls, she decides to invite Brett (William Hurt), a recently released criminal, into the solemn mix. The three begin an adventure fit only for downbeat after TV specials that end in group suicide.

    My Take: The keen observer may have noticed that I had a theme going on up there in the synopsis. Kristen Stewart's acting method has led me to believe she's been dipping into Glenn's ketamine reserve. Nevertheless, I actually like her and her inability to emote. While I will most likely/definitely not see this movie in theatres, I'll probably throw it on the ole queue to reserve for a night when I'm a little too happy with life (I'm getting dangerously close).

    Today's Music Video

    video

    Mirotic

    Dong Bang Shin Ki (in Korean)/Tohoshinki (in Japanese) is a South Korean boy band that sings in Korean, Japanese, AND English.. and sometimes all three! No, I don't think that's true, but they do throw some English into some of their songs. They're poppy, saucy, pretty, and generally reminiscent of everything I liked about boy bands growing up except they're prettier and rather than misunderstand the lyrics based on innocence and clever manipulation of underaged girls, I just don't speak Korean or Japanese. But my girlfriend Courtney can speak Japanese, and she can explain the intricacies of Korean boy bands to me. According to Wikipedia their name translates to "The Rising Gods of the East" and I really don't know how else I'd explain them. As a fun side story, some female fan of a rival boy band group was not thrilled with the sucess of TVXQ and poisoned band member Jung Yunho by sending him a drink filled with super glue. Yunho drank it, died, and rose back to life three days later to continue the band's success.

    Today's Vagina Fashion Trend

    Anyone ever hear of vajazzling? I certainly hadn't until it was brought to my attention yesterday. Apparently this is something that took off big when Jennifer Love Hewitt made an announcement that she vajazzles regularly to feel good about her vagina. I know, right? Who would have thought Jennifer Love Hewitt could set trends? (More so, who would have thought Jennifer Love Hewitt could see her own vagina over that chest. HEY-ohhh). That's right ladies. Now, instead of going to the salon to have someone tear out your hair with wax, you can do that AND glue tiny jeweled studs to the newly bare area to add some POP to that pussy. Wait 'til the guys catch on to this!

    Today's Quote

    Can you imagine eating at the Picador?..."I'd like a taco with a side of syphillis...."


    -My Sister, Mary

    7 comments:

    1. This article was amazing!! Not only because TVXQ, me, and jeweled vagina were mentioned, (things I enjoy more than you people will ever know) but it included a hilarious JLH joke! I laughed a lot.

      Kisses!

      ReplyDelete
    2. Courtney, this good morning post would be nothing if not for you.

      ReplyDelete
    3. Don't compliment me too much or you may find yourself pregnant. How, you say? Hold on to your socks Sugar cus I'm about to blow your mind!

      ReplyDelete
    4. The first post on that vagina website:

      # sarah on February 23rd, 2010 at 10:46 pm:

      So, in a week… are these crystals going down the shower drain or are they going to be something to keep?

      Also, never been prouder to call you my cousin.

      ReplyDelete
    5. Thanks Katy! Very funny AND informative, also perplexing - why did that K-Pop star drink from a crazed fan's open container? I lol-ed at 'Further more Tracy Morgan is his partner, and he's black (according to IMDB)'. Also, I caught Mary reading this post this morning after she had told me she didn't have time to read the post I wrote yesterday! At least there is a quote from her, and now I know why I have syphilis.

      ReplyDelete
    6. Jennifer Love Hewitt bedazzles her vagina. She talked about it a few months ago on the George Lopez show.

      ReplyDelete
    7. i read all of your guys comments via email before reading the actual article, and my imagination went WILD. this was especially confusing/erotic out of context:

      "The first post on that vagina website:

      # sarah on February 23rd, 2010 at 10:46 pm:

      So, in a week… are these crystals going down the shower drain or are they going to be something to keep?"

      gr8 GM k8y.

      ReplyDelete