Good morning HEALTH CARE

By Glenn 

Good morning. It's so rare I can wish you a good morning in the shadow of such great news. It seems like every time I'm excited to write this column a space shuttle explodes or the Republicans win a special election somewhere in this great land. Now I have the distinct pleasure of telling you that yesterday HISTORIC health care reform passed the US House of Representatives, with some of the writers from this website casting the deciding votes to get us to 219 and secure passage. It should be smooth sailing from here on out, with a simple up or down vote needed in the US Senate and then our President's Kenyan, left-handed illegitimate signature.

[Let's talk about all good things this morning, okay?]

Today's Weather

Online video chat by Ustream
Look at this LIVE STREAM of some sort of self-aware camera staged right at the Red River in downtown Grand Forks. The river, like health care costs, has been contained! The beloved downtown where I spent so many months killing homeless people and artists is free of standing water. Our old campaign office remains along with the painful memories of the artists who perished there. I'm not saying this flood won't ruin lives - and it probably already has - but I just wanted to highlight this bit of good news.

Today's Right Wing Reaction
One of the nice things about health care reform passing the House yesterday is that it also means those opposed to Obama, the Democratic Party and liberalism are very frustrated. This will seem a lot less funny when this frustration turns into violence, but for now let's make some light of it.

First up, the Orange Goblin himself, John Boehner:

This guy becomes manic at the thought of spending money to provide health care to almost all citizens of the United States. I'd say his face is turning red, but he's already orange. That's practically a shade of red.

Next is a lovely message from Dale Robertson – Founder/President Tea Party/
What did we expect from national socialists?

Arm twisting, threats, buying votes and political dirty tricks are now the normal operating procedure for the new regime.

The Obama putsch has taken roots and is thriving in the new era of the expanded welfare state. The American people said NO, Conservatives said NO, but it makes no difference when the oligarchy says; ‘Yes we can’ in spite of the will of the people.

First they came for our wellness; our health-care fell into their hands.

If we stop the madness and restore America now we can halt the bleeding of our freedom. However, if we don’t, then keep reading and learn what will happen next.

Next they will come for our sovereignty and our beloved nation will be flooded with millions of illegal aliens further converting America into a socialist state.

Then they will come for our guns, and our gun rights will falls into their hands.

After that they will come for more taxes, collection of healthcare premiums, along with penalties and fees will be heaped upon the American public. A new form of debtor’s prison will emerge, not of walls, bars and cells, but the loss of rights. Privileges will be rewarded to those who obey while the disobedient are punished by privilege banishment.

Subsequently they will come for our money, currency will disappear. Taxes, income and expense will be deemed to volatile and too complicated to manage. America will turn into a cashless and currency less government controlled geographic contained society.

Finally, they will come for our homes. Every house becomes guaranteed and insured by the federal government and by doing so, becomes an asset of the state. Homeownership will be an illusion, home ownership in name only.

The thrill of risk and reward will vanish in a cloud of the greatest good, and free enterprise will become the unwilling slave of the new enlighten order.

Yes America, change is in the wind, for this is what you voted for and this is exactly what you got. Congratulations.

Codicil: To restore our beloved nation from the pestilence of National Socialism and liberal extremism we must rise up, pledge our life, liberty and sacred honor. We must vote them out! We must file law suits to stop egregious legislation. We must march in protest. Most of all, we must build our ranks, recruit, grow, and train our members on how to restore our nation. We must not be afraid of this task, for this is our land; our nation and our heritage, freedom is our national treasure. Our freedom, liberty and self governance have fallen upon our shoulders and it will be our effort that will stop the greatest runway government in history.
I hope you didn't read all of that because I know I didn't. We really don't need that kind of vile nonsense in our lives. I do want to point out that this rambling, paranoid diatribe literally begins with calling the Democratic Party Nazis. You gotta admire the bravery to use that in the first line, but it kind of mutes the outrage of the proceeding lines.

Today's Kitten Picture

This kitten just found out that it could stay on its mother's feline health insurance until it is twenty-six in cat years.

Today's Box Office News

Though no one should be happy that Alice in Wonderland earns millions of dollars, there is some silver lining to be had in looking at this weekend's box office news.
And Jude Law and Forest Whitaker's action thriller "Repo Men" flopped, debuting at #4 opening with just $6.2 million. Law plays a repo man on the run in a future where organs are bloodily repossessed if patients miss their payments.
The amazing Stephanie Zacharek of says it better about Repo Men here than I could, but let's just say I was disappointed in the film. It's not worth seeing and it looks like people are learning that without making the same mistake my sister and I did.

Today's Prediction

In the next week THE US SENATE will pass via reconciliation the fixes needed to its original bill. This will cause John Boehner's head to explode, with pumpkin seeds flying all over the Republican House caucus - who had assembled to see a special screening of Repo Men. The team had intended to use the film's dystopian health care vision as a campaign tool against the Democrats, but recoil when the the public says "NO!" to Jude Law. That kitten will be the only casualty in the Red River flood of 2010. Sorry girls, but at least Dale Robertson - Founder/President Tea Party/ is still around:

What a dreamboat!


  1. I know my shock for the actions of such assholes as Dale Robertson should be a bit less at this point - but it's really not and now I have to go brush carpet dirt out of my mouth. Hurrah for healthcare reform!


  3. This was great. Now that we have health care reform I'm going to get so much cancer and nobody can do shit about it!

  4. That was great! I can see the campaign ads cut from that clip now: Can we rise above politics to pass health care reform? (John Boehner) "Hell NO, you can't!". Can we (insert Democratic agenda item of the day) (John Boehner) "Hell NO, no you can't!". (repeat). (Candidate X)Hi, I'm (Candidate X) and I have a more hopeful outlook. Can we come together and work hard to make America a better place? Yes we can.