In the Heart of the Heart of Cannibalism

By Scott B.

There are two Midwesterners in my office, and the other one is from Minnesota. Now I don't really want to split hairs, but Minnesota is to the rest of the Midwest what Florida is to the Southern States. It makes sense to a cartographer, but not a sociologist.

So the Heartlander sticks his head into my office, and then the following:

Guy: So is the St. Louis Arch all its cracked up to be?

Me: It sways in the wind, so...yes...

Guy: It sways?

Me: Yeah, but the really cool thing is the Museum of Westward Expansion underneath it...

Guy: Is there anything about the Donner Party in there?

Me:'s a family museum...

Guy: The Donner Party was made up of families. One family was so wealthy that they didn't need to eat anybody or get eaten or anything. They could afford bribes and provisions.

Me: The rich get richer and the poor eat each other...

Guy:...and die...

It was a moment of connection. A banner unfurled in my heart and was taken by the wind.


  1. St. Louis is the cannibalism capital of America.

  2. Haha@! This was great! Thanks for sharing your connection.

  3. True stories from the US Army.

  4. I love all stories about the midwest, except the ones by Garrison Keillor!

  5. Haha, that explains my antithesis then...

  6. lololololol @max, whoever you are.

    Eat your heart out, St. Louis. No, literally, eat your heart out.

  7. i love this, partially because i had an obsession with the donner party in the 9th grade (partially because i'm a cannibal), but mostly just because it's gr8.

    PS i always consider minnesota part of the midwest so i can say bob dylan and i are from the same region.

  8. I'm dating a Minnestotan. I can NEVER get him to shut up about the Donner Party for just one freaking dinner.