Good Morning Answer to Your Prayers

By Keelin 

Good morning. It's the day after the annual National Day of Prayer. It kind of feels like the day after Christmas -- the presents have been opened, the tree's coming down, and you're staring down months of mirthless bad weather with nary a baby Jesus in sight. But cheer up! Let's remember the good times, shall we?

The Good Times

I, for one, started my National Day of Prayer with the traditional breakfast of bacon and sausage. This celebrates the fact that Jesus was the first Jew to tell us we didn't have to follow all those stupid dietary rules in the Torah, thus creating a solid bedrock for Christianity, the religion that would one day conquer the world. As I ate my fatty meats, I silently praised Jesus for letting us eat pigs and not really caring whether we circumcise our infant males.

This was just a warm-up, though, for my all-day prayer session at the local strip mall storefront church I attend. After watching a special video message from Sarah Palin, we all settled in to do some serious praying. These are dangerous times we live in. So we of course focused our prayers on some of the pressing issues facing our nation today, including the success of all our local sports franchises, the death of all our enemies and the lifting of all restraining orders filed against us.

All told, our nation registered an astonishing 5.8 billion prayers in that brief 24 hour period (figures provided by God's Accountant, The Holy Spirit). Fox News has kindly furnished us with a list of the five most popular prayers:

1. New car
2. Resumption of confederate dollar as U.S. national currency
3. Don't let me be pregnant
4. If I can't have a new car, then let something bad happen to my friend's new car
5. Regional peace

If anyone can revive our flagging auto industry, it would certainly be the Almighty Lord!

Today's Prediction

God will be so touched by American's billions of prayers that He will no longer be angry that our president is a Muslim.

Today's Prayer

Dear Lord,

Thank you for all the times I asked you for something and you totally delivered. I will continue to rationalize all the prayers you ignore as "part of a plan." You rock, God! Inshallah.


  1. I prayed for a Good Morning from Keelin and it worked! Now I'm kind of regretting my decision to pray for an army of 100 ft. ant eaters to crush major cities around the world. It would be pretty cool though...

    Great GM, I loved it!

  2. I prayed for the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico to keep leaking. I'm trying to use reverse psychology on God.

  3. This is the most pro-prayer article we've had since Billy Graham wrote here.

  4. another gr8 article, keelin. ps -- lily, with such insightful comments as "LOLLLLLLLLL!" why aren't you writing for oyit??

  5. Lily's comment is fine. At least she's taking the time to actually comment. I'm going to pray for more people to comment on One Year in Texas once God wakes up from his nap.

  6. I'll take any comment I can get!

  7. I really hope this logs in enough prayers for the year and everyone can stop praying until next May.

  8. THAT WASN'T ME WRITING LOL!!! but I DID LOL! at this. I always put my name when I comment. I'm a confident person.

  9. LOL, so glad you are reading oyit lil! i only thought it was you because the post before this was commented on with "Anonymous said...LOL!-Lily"

    you have an impostor! or we just have another reader named lily.