Good Morning from the Road

By Glenn 

Good morning. I'm writing this good morning article in the most illegal way possible: while driving and listening to the Queen is Dead by the Smiths. Both are dangerous and a direct affront to the British monarchy. I just left Vegas, twenty dollars poorer but a much happier man. Penny slots and video BJ are twenty dollars richer and I don't mean "blackjack."

Today's Weather

It's hot in the desert and maybe where you are too. There's always a difficulty for me when driving long distances in scorching (60 degrees and above) heat. Do I do my best to reduce my carbon footprint and save gas by utilizing downed windows or do I crank up the A/C like my life depends on it - which it might if the temperature gets into the 70s? The answer is, of course, the same as what I say when asked if I prefer men or women: both.

Today's Theft
I have not lived a life removed from crime, whether perpetrated by me, onto me or into me. I know the sting of a burglarized car and the pleasure of full body restraint during a 2007 home invasion. What might be the worst though is the assumption of theft never confirmed. Sometime in the past two weeks my CD wallet, business bag, suitcase and comforter have disappeared from the back seat and trunk of my car. My GPS, child's car seat and pillow remained untouched. Though there is no sign of forced entry I find it hard to believe I misplaced all of these items. The frustration is only amplified because I cannot remember what I was in the suitcase and bag. It actually makes me sick right now to think about what might be out of my life forever. This must be how breaking up feels.

Today's Prediction
I will find out what it's like to break up for the first time when the prostitute I married in Vegas last night calls me to say she's had the marriage annulled. This heartbreak will lessen the next hitchhiker I pick up in Utah turns out to be the one who stole all of my items in California. I'll forgive him, then put on There Is A Light That Never Goes Out. We will live that song out so I never have to live with a breakup, burglary or hot desert driving ever again.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry


  1. Glenn, stop texting while driving!

  2. I think I can comment from my phone now? I'm STILL DRIVING!

  3. I'm writing this comment while piloting a Cesna.

  4. Haha! @Keelin This was great, happy travels pal, hope to see you soon!! I didn't understand a lot of the last paragraph but it's still better than anything I'll do while driving!!! I can't even pee in a bottle!!!!!

  5. i cant wait for the OYIT smartphone app!


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