Scam Bait: In Need of a Foreign Partner

By Bub  

From the OYIT Vault:

Mr.Song Li
Hang Seng Bank Ltd.
Sai Wan Ho Branch,
83, Des Voeux Road,
Hong Kong.

Good Day,

Please kindly accept my apology for sending you this email without your
consent. I believe you are a highly respected personality, considering the
fact that I sourced your profile from the peoples search database on the
web during my descret search for a foreign partner whom can assist me in
taking this business to it success. Though, I do not know to what extent
you are familiar with events. I have a proposal for you.This however is
not mandatory nor will I in any manner compel you to honor against your
will, but I hope you will read on and consider the value I offer.

My name is Mr. Song Li, I am the credit officer in Hang Seng Bank, Hong
Kong. I need your assistance in executing a transaction worth $65.5m
intend to give 30% of the total funds as compensation for your assistance.

1. Full names
2. Private phone number
3. Current residential address

Kind Regards,


Dear Mr. Li,

I fear you may have fallen under the deceitful influence of a dear enemy. You see, I have submitted my name to several discrete/secreted/desecrated/sadism-based foreign investment databases. However, I am always known for my looks not my personality. It is rather a point of pride as I spend most of my investment earnings on cosmetic enhancement products such as mustache wideners and mustache brighteners. Two pinches for a pound as my mum always said. Poor old girl...

I appreciate to an extent your choice to make this offer non-mandatory, as it shows a certain level of respect. However you have now put the onus on me to make up my mind as to whether I want to accept your offer or not. You see, this wastes valuable energy, energy that could be better spent cultivating mustaches. In the future you may consider everyone's convenience and forgo the formalities in favor of physical coercion.

As for events, I am familiar with most of the major ones; Birth, Death, Growth of a Mustache, The Golden Globes, 9/11 etc... If you require a complete list I can email you an attachment but I should warn you that it will just be The Bible cut & pasted wholecloth onto a Word document.

Your offer is indeed quite generous. I would be happy to execute your enemy for 20 million dollars. I bet he is a relation to that devious duke that runs the Peoples Search Database. Those Poles are all alike. Well, I don't have to tell you, do I Dr. Li? I recall receiving your last email entitled "Polish Primary School Jokes". What a lark that was. My favorite was the one where the ignorant little school girl was drowned by glue from her own glue canister!

As it happens I would be happy to execute your friend for you however I cannot accept your apology and therefore must refuse your offer. You see, it violates my strict principle of never replying to correspondence - digital or otherwise - that I do not explicitly solicit myself before I have knowledge of the information existing. I once refused to reply to a letter from my mother in the mental hospital. It was the first one she had written in twenty some odd years! She was never the same after being stared at by that dastardly Polish street-sweep. But I simply had not given prior consent to being sent the letter and as you know Professor Li, rules are rules. You wouldn't be running a joint bank/murder venture if you went around breaking all the rules, and neither will I.

I do have a compromise for you; I will go ahead and provide the information you requested. I will turn down your initial offer, then I will formally extend an invitation for you to make a wholly-consented-to solicitation within one week. I cannot guarantee its outcome.

1. Full names - Michael Jeffrey Jordan, Jeffrey Lionel Dahmer. Granted these are not the two best full names, but you get what you pay for Sen. Li and if you wrote expecting an Anthony Michael Hall you have barked up the wrong email address.

2. Private phone number - 312-255-4460 - This phone number will get you the privately-Michael-Jeffrey-Jordan-owned (or was that Jeffrey-Lionel-Dahmer) restaurant *Wave* located on Chicago's luxurious lake shore.

3. Current residential address - Main Street USA, brother. You will find more current residences located along American Main Streets than you will find on any Polish Pirogi Street.

I hope that helps Rev. Li. I look forward to your next solicited email. I hope my lack of execution did not cause great inconvenience. God Bless.



  1. "Please kindly accept my apology for sending you this email without your consent."

    That is how I start all my emails now.

  2. Scam bait is so funny. I'm a fan.