Good Morning Cable and Internet

By Glenn 

Good morning. I hope you've been enjoying OYIT's readership pledge week. We aren't asking for money, but rather a dedication to reading and, if possible, insulting the many articles we continue to write for your enjoyment. My enjoyment flows through the white cable that now provides our apartment with internet and TV. The internet means I can write more articles for OYIT and cable television means I can start DVR-ing Dinosaur Train and the ten different murder shows I watch every week. So this is a great week for everyone!

[I actually don't watch any murder shows and RARELY watch Dinosaur Train. You'll understand why once you see it.]

Today's Weather
It's getting a bit hot...under the collar...for the BP executives Obama totally called out on Tuesday night! He told them in VERY strong terms that he would ask them to pay to clean up the oil spill. The oil spill is affecting us everywhere, including New York City. It's been warm here, partially because the subways are filled with a sludgy black substance that isn't the goo from Ghostbusters 2. I am having trouble coming up with weather related parables and puns, especially because we aren't in hurricane or flood seasons right now. I do not count the Arkansas floods because that state renominated Blanche Lincoln.

Today's Featured Movie

This movie "Adventureland" has created strong divisions among the movie-going public. Some of my friends said it was better than Godfather 2 and other said it was worse than Godfather 3. For what it was - a great teen romance/slice of life picture to take place in Pittsburgh over the course of a summer - I really liked it. Kristen Stewart plays Bella, her character from Twilight, and Ryan Reynolds plays another charming older man. I never experienced anything like Jesse Eisenberg does in this film, but I could have. Some bizarro Glenn probably has.

Today's Riot

So there was a free Drake concert Tuesday night in New York. They canceled it because too many people showed up and the young people who were going to enjoy songs about "Da Best" ended up rioting and killing members of the band Hanson, who were also scheduled to play. Yes, I'm talking about the Hanson brothers from Oklahoma. An odd pairing with Drake? Perhaps, but they were both teenage idols. And now Drake is the only one who survives! Lesson to be learned: never go to a Drake concert.

Today's Prediction
The next Drake concert, a free show in Detroit with Backstreet Boys, will be canceled after too many juggalos show up and Drake runs out of Faygo. To placate fans, 80s darlings The Replacements - featured perfectly in Adventureland the movie - will show up and spray the musical equivalent of Faygo, destroying the Gulf of Mexico. President Obama will do a nationally televised address from the Oval Office where he asks them to rock a little less hard.


  1. "It's getting a bit hot...under the collar...for the BP executives Obama totally called out on Tuesday night!"
    Did Sue co-write that sentence?

    I don't like hearing you talk about black singers. It seems so racist!

  2. Nobody mentioned in this article is black, not even President Obama. Dinosaur Train is on every morning when I go to work. The theme song always gets me going! I sing it to myself a lot. I think that's why people move away from me on the subway!! (low voice) 'Dinosaur Train' (high voice) 'Dinosaur Train' (low voice) 'Dinosaur Train' (high voice) 'Dinosaur Train' (medium voice) 'It's coming for YOU!!!'

  3. I want to hear more about "bizarro Glenn." Maybe that can be a new series.

  4. LOL @ BUB!!!!

    Also, Adventureland does suck and only goes to prove that Kristen Stewart is a terrible actress and can only play one character. Although I haven't seen The Misfits(?) where she's in a rock band with Dakota Fanning. She's supposed to be good in that.

  5. i watch AT LEAST 10 murder shows! i'm slightly embarrased you posted that video of me hanging upside down though. why is that dino huffing smoke??