Good Morning Chelsea Clinton

By Keelin 

Good morning, Chelsea. And, OMG, I hear you're totally getting married tomorrow! First of all, congratulations. We here at OYIT have pooled our resources to send you a lovely ceramic bowl from your registry and a python. Feel free to use them together or separately. Whichever you prefer. Secondly, do not panic. Sure, these nuptials are as stressful as a raid on Fallujah circa 2005, but nobody likes a stressed-out bride. So keep that in mind when someone is taking your picture with a telephoto lens from half a mile away.

Today's Chelsea Weather

Chelsea is allegedly getting married in upstate New York, which is lovely this time of year except for those freak thunderstorms that strike at the most inopportune moments, leaving you shivering and wet and clearing before you can even find a bridal tarp to duck under.

Today's Chelsea Etiquette Tips

Some guests may be wondering how to behave at this kind of exclusive and rare celebration. Here are a few tips:

+ DO: Greet the bride and groom at the reception.

+ DON'T:
Tweet your prediction of how long the marriage will last.

+ DO:
Compliment Bill on rescuing those journalists from North Korea.

+ DON'T:
Ask Hillary why her sanctions on Pyongyang have failed to produce any notable political or social changes in the region.

+ DO:
Arrive on time and cooperate with all security procedures.

+ DON'T: Pull out a handgun and ask why liberals hate the second amendment.

Today's Chelsea Mystery Guest

That's right -- it's Kim Jong-Il! He gives the best presents.

Today's Chelsea Prediction

Chelsea and what's-his-face will have a wonderful life together. One day, as predicted, Chelsea will decide to embark on a political career of her own. In order to avoid the long shadow of her parents, she will relocate to Canada. After much campaigning and hard work, she will become princess of Ottawa.


  1. Haha, Ottawa stopped electing their Princess in the late 70s. Now they are divinely chosen based off of tarot card readings by the family of John Candy.

    This post inspired me to write more about Chelsea Clinton's wedding in tomorrow's OWE. Even though she is a political figure, a wedding is nothing but entertainment.

  2. I agree with Glenn on weddings being entertainment. I have had discussions (arguments) with Kal over whether political or human interest (Falcon Heene, Richard Jewel) figures are entertainment. I don't think they are.

    I have to say that I really enjoyed this GM, especially because the title is what I would like to say to CC right now. I hope she likes the ceramic bowl and python. I know that's what I'm hoping to receive when I get married.

  3. Hahah! This was a really great GM - I feel fully satisfied by the amount the theme was fleshed out. It was really, really funny, and also Kim Jong Il definitely gives the best presents!!!


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