Good Morning Susan Smith

By Stephen 

Today's Famous Mother

Today marks the 15th anniversary of the day an unidentified black male allegedly murdered Susan Smith's two young sons by driving them into a lake. This happened to me and my brother once, but our parents taught us how to swim at an early age; when the car rolled into the lake we were able to swim safely to shore. That's why I ultimately blame Susan Smith for this tragedy - if she had taught her boys to swim, they might be alive today. (Then again, maybe not. You never know... right???)

Today's Lucky Airplane

30 passengers were injured last night when United Flight 967 ran into turbulence over Kansas, perhaps due to one of the state's infamous "tornadoes". This begs the question: why are pilots still flying over Kansas? The documentary film Twister, which was partially shot in Kansas, came out 14 years ago! It didn't feature airplanes because airplanes cannot survive tornadoes. Nothing can. Passengers of Flight 967, consider yourselves lucky to be alive.

Today's Novelty Dating Site

Cougar Life is FREE. I haven't actually been to the site, but I've seen its commercial. It looks "sexy", like it's for "adventurous" older "women". For these reasons (and more!) it should appeal to OYIT's target demographic. Which one, you ask? Sign up to find out. And don't forget to tell me about it so I can judge you.


  1. I was on that plane. I carjacked that van. But I have no interest in Cougar Life.

  2. I have to admit, that cougar is pretty sexy!

  3. Stephen, this is like mainlining our cultural zeitgeist. You are a prophet!

  4. I too saw Twister and can't believe they still let planes fly over that crazy tornado state either! It's an outrage!

  5. i'm so thankful you were taught how to swim!