Should You Go See Salt?

By Jake 

Angelina Jolie stars as a salt dealer in the postapocalyptic future. After losing her eye in a deal gone bad, Jolie tries to leave her trade behind. That is until her old friend (Liev Schreiber) tells her of a salt deal so huge that Jolie cannot pass.

Jolie and Schreiber plot out the perfect salt deal that postapocalyptic America has ever seen. Unfortunately, the deal gets queered when Schreiber turns out to be an undercover federal anti-salt agent. He arrests Jolie and the buyers and sends them to the salt mines.

At the mines, Jolie and some of the other slaves plan a daring escape. I don't want to spoil it too much, but they use guns. Also, her name is salt. In the future, you are named after what you illegally sell.

I would go see this movie if I felt money was worthless. If you are the kind of person who treats money as if it is refuse, then go see this film. Angelina Jolie is a good actress and Roger Ebert gave this movie four stars, and he is going to die soon. If you cannot trust a dying man, who can you trust?

If you are planning on staying in this weekend and watching a film that you rented from Blockbuster Video, I recommend that you avoid Cocktail. Cocktail is truly the worst thing that liquor has ever done.


  1. Ha -- didn't Blockbuster go out of business? If it hasn't yet, then surely "Salt" will push it over the edge.

  2. Much like Roger Ebert, Blockbuster Video is knocking on death's door.

  3. This Blockbuster video reference was the only anachronistic part of the entire post.

  4. is it sad that i honestly cannot tell if your description is actually the plot?

  5. Haha, it is not actually the plot. If Angelina Jolie shoots shit in this movie I'd probably watch it, but I'd watch Jerry Springer's Ringmaster.

  6. Hahah! I LOVED this!! I really want to see the movie Salt now, before I thought all the bus ads were part of a push by the Salt Council for America to get me to eat more salt!!!