Sasquatch Corner

By Jake 

The sasquatch has become a beloved pop cultural icon, having appeared in several films and caricatured in political cartoons in the New Yorker. It is nearly impossible to go a day without having an intriguing conversation around the ol' water-cooler or in a diner popular with teenagers about the "Bigfoot." This furry, human-like animal has become something like a God to modern man, and it is only fair for us, here at One Year in Texas, to worship at the alter, too.

I recently had a brief conversation with a guy I work with about sasquatches. He told to me of a camping trip to Oklahoma he was planning in hopes of seeing one. He even had a "foolproof plan" of leaving raw fish out, which is supposedly one of the favorite foods of a bigfoot. He went on to tell me that you can't put cameras on trees because they will see them and it will keep them from coming up. He even told me about this girl who befriended one and had a hair from one to prove it. Scientists couldn't figure out what animal said hair belonged to, so obviously that is proof of the sasquatch's existence. So do not be a doubter.

I saw a sasquatch
Drinking water from the creek
His feet were quite big

The Sasquatch saunters over a mild hill toward the pink sky and setting sun. He lets out a grunt, but don't we all?

As he heads to his shelter--a musky cave--he gets a whiff of fish. It fills his nose like perfume. His mouth waters.

The sasquatch puts his back against a large tree. The bark pokes his skin uncomfortably. He grumbles and adjusts himself. He peers around the corner, checking for any cameras or filming equipment. He sees none.

He slinks toward an olive coloured tent. In it lies our despicable hero. Can you consider a cunning sasquatch hunter a true hero? I find hunters despicable, personally. Yet, a human animal hunter is more of a protagonist than a mythological animal.

The sasquatch slowly unzips the zipper of the tent. He quickly reaches his hand over the mouth of the hunter, covering it so no sound escapes. With his other hand, he scoops under the hunter's armpit and lifts him up. The hunter struggles, but the sasquatch is too strong. He pulls the hunter's back to his chest and pulls his head to the side exposing his neck. He sinks his teeth into the hunter's neck and drinks.

The sasquatch was also a vampire.



  1. Four equally valid takes on the Sasquatch "phenomena" that's taking over our nation's young people and children.

  2. This is the funniest thing I have ever read on the subject of Sasquai!!

  3. I'm going to bet $100 that the first story is entirely true. Any takers?


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