Untertainment Weakly (4-22-2011)

By Jake 

Condoleezza Rice will appear on an upcoming episode of "30 Rock.” So that’s happening.

Nicolas Cage was arrested for domestic violence. I’ve been trying to come up with a joke about this all week, but I just can’t. Cage is a piece of shit.

Scream 4 is a box office bomb! Atlas Shrugged made nearly no money! Rio is a smash hit, but who gives a shit, it’s for children!

Fast and The Furious Five has yet to hit theaters, but they are already working on the sixth installment. They are going to overtake Police Academy both in number of sequels and in overall quality.

Charlie Sheen is a birther. He wants to see Obama’s birth certificate. He is also the least crazy person who wants to see it.

Jim Carrey will be on the season finale of The Office joining Will Arenett, Ricky Gervais, Ray Ramano, James Spader, Will Farrell and Catherine Tate. I’ll still never see it.

Movies Out Today
Water for Elephants - Finally, a movie that combines my favorite liquid with my favorite animal. Elephants, in this film, are extremely thirsty and water is scarce. The only way to obtain water is by trading a water dealer for it, with the only thing in the world that is worth any value -- elephant tusks! Reese Witherspoon, an elephant farmer, leads a herd of elephants in an excursion to find the mythical Lake Michigan to rehydrate her livestock.

Madea’s Big Happy Family - Are you a fan of men dressing up as women, but couldn’t handle the edge of Big Momma’s House 3? Well, Tyler Perry has the feel-good cross dressing family movie for you. This will make a ton of money and it makes sense to me. Tyler Perry goes after a market that isn’t often targeted: positive black people. I would never watch one of his movies, but a lot of people enjoy them. Good for them.

Other Thoughts
So, nearly a month ago I decided to not get DVDs from Netflix anymore. It would have been implemented today, actually, but I pulled out at the last minute. Since I changed my plan, but before I changed it back, I had gotten better at watching the DVDs I get. My biggest problem was waiting for my girlfriend to watch them. We had most DVDs for 2 weeks. Now, I will just watch them when I get them and get whatever DVD I want. Next up: Rabid, a movie that she will never want to watch. Plus, it is only $2 more a month, so I guess it’s fine.


  1. You guys, I'm so happy that Atlas Shrugged bombed. It will probably come out ahead in the end when it hits DVD and Netflix since the budget was only $15 million. Still, it's so funny when they plan sequels and the movie bombs.

  2. Ha @ the birther joke! Being racist against our president is almost as funny as Nicholas Cage committing domestic violence!!

  3. Yes! Fuck Scream 4 and fuck Ayn Rand.


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