Ultimate Tournament Of Champions

By Bub 

Antonio had saved up for months to pay the entry fee to the Hungry Hungry Hippos Ultimate Championship Tournament. He trained at home every night and on weekends. He thought about Hungry Hungry Hippos all day at his job stocking the shelves at an office supply store. Ever since he was a little boy growing up in western Kansas he dreamt of becoming the premier triple H professional in the United States and then the world. Now he had grown up, moved to the Hungry Hungry Hippos capital of the world - Fort Meyers, Florida; and was all set to participate in the Hungry Hungry Hippos Ultimate Championship Tournament which was to commence in less than three hours.

Antonio wanted to get there a couple hours early to stake out the best table position. He was hindered by an attempted car jacking on his way to the tournament. The thief ran up to Antonio's car at a stop sign, yanked open the door, pointed a .38 special to Antonio's face and demanded that he flee his vehicle. Antonio was so primed for the tournament that his fight response kicked in at an exponential rate and he grabbed the thief's arm that held the gun and bit out a large chunk of the thief's wrist. The thief stood there shocked, screaming and bleeding to death as Antonio proceeded through the intersection and continued on to the tournament. He chewed and swallowed the flesh rather than waste time spitting it out.

He showed up at Parker Brothers Arena with blood all over his face and clothes. People that saw him in this state were remarkably unstartled. He entered the arena, waited in line until the start, signed in at the sign-in table and entered the tournament floor. He looked around and had only the time to be dumbfounded by the spectacle of mortal combat between men and emaciated hippos all around him. There was blood and tears and gore and sweat flying through the air at such a velocity that it coagulated into a sort of horrific mist. A hippo immediately bit through Antonio's rib cage and he died there on the tournament floor, without winning a championship.


  1. Hahahaha! This is fucking phenomenal.

  2. Why would anyone ever waste the time to spit out human flesh?