Existential Meditations - The Fall

By Bub

Nick and Willet were both carrying balls of cosmic clay. The color of the balls seamlessly oscillated between cyan and turquoise causing the mirage of a radioactive glow. Little bits of matter, wood, or sharp thin plastic pieces, jutted out from the alinear circumference of the balls. Periodically Nick and Willet would pinch a piece of the ball between their thumb and the second node of their index finger, tear it off and stuff it in between their cheeks and their back teeth, creating a large lump on the side of their faces that left a small sideways tear-shaped opening between their lips when they closed their mouths. At uneven intervals they would shift the tear-shaped mouth opening to the non-puffed side of their faces and expel a potent saliva-emulsion mixture that would sizzle and steam when it hit the sidewalk.

I promised June that I would love her. It seemed like an odd promise to have to make, but she demanded it. So I made it. It made me love her less.

Tiny electrocutions from a bizarre torture device led to the pointlessly painful and unfortunate death of the omniscient piece of bread.

At a Department of Human Services office a young woman walks in with her six month old child. When she approaches the counter a camel greets her by licking her face with its giant tongue.

They were granted food stamps and a housing subsidy.

I pierced a hole into the lemon and set it on the table, with the hole facing the bucket I placed nearby on the floor. Ashes slowly spit out, then a spark caught and a reddish orange flame spat out with black smoke plumes beginning to billow. This stream of fire and smoke became steadier and swelled, and then it sputtered, and choked out for an instant. Then a silvery blue flame ignited and the billowing black smoke thinned to a tiny trail of mercury. This continued at an accelerated rate until unexpectedly, water mixed with citric acid and sucrose began shooting out instead of fire and smoke. It was, as it were, a perfect stream of lemonade. Then came the nuclear explosion...

The house DJ was routinely spinning beats when he became swept up in a tornado. He was the only casualty.

International patent troll Megalotl Inc. filed suit against mom and pop internet start up Compyuterz Inc. for copyright infringement. When reached for comment Compyuterz Inc. spokesperson Jalal Ibn Compyuterz said, "We made computers possible by having a similar sounding name. Our service provides people with access to the world wide web, as we now know it, by licensing users to utilize the computers they purchased for that particular purpose for a nominal fee, instead of using it the normal, free, way. International conglomerate anonymous just wants to stomp on old fashioned competition."

Tombstone, AZ circa 1850; a tough fella named Julius entered a saloon with pistols drawn, the normally civilized folk within were mortified and Julius's normally red alcoholic face drained into a pale orange when several people shot him for doing so. While recuperating in the hospital the next week he came up with a great idea for a franchise and opened the very first Carl's Jr.

Everything in this world is a fluctuation, combination, and diffusion of living and non-living matter. It is really all the same as far as our tiny Earth system is concerned. The only hope we have is that one particle of new matter sparks off from every one billion particles of matter and anti-matter that meet each other


  1. Glad to see you back, Bub. Although, now I am depressed because house music is my favorite type of techno.

  2. No, be proud then, his beats were so mad they conjured the powers of nature


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