By Jake and Glenn
suicide is a controversial issue, legally and morally. If you type in
J-A-C-K K-E- into Google, Jack Kevorkian is the number two result after
Jack Kerouac. This speaks to a renewed interest in finding doctors who
will assist in your suicide and authors who will inspire you to try new
things and drive across the country. This week, Jake, an assisted
suicide survivor, and Glenn, who has read “On The Road,” tackle this
literally life-threatening issue. At the end of the debate you can
choose whose suicide you wish to assist.
As The Beatles once sang “I get by with the help of my friends/I can
die with the help of my friends.” If a band as popular as The Beatles
are for assisted suicide, then how can I oppose it? Assisted suicide is
the John Stockton of suicide. Everybody loves John Stockton, so there
is no logical reason that they should not also love assisted suicide. I
do not see what is morally wrong about a doctor or a neighbor aiding in
suicide. It is safer and less lonely than solo suicide. Or is it the
suicide part that people find morally reprehensible? Look at it this
way: we are all going to die one day. Being against suicide is like
being against death itself. It is just a natural part of life.
When David Bowie screams “I want to live!” at the end of the near ten
minute long song “Cygnet Committee,” he is echoing our natural state.
We want to live and until something comes along to kill us, being alive
is our natural state. Assisted suicide is like someone creating a
tsunami from a laboratory in the center of the Earth that goes on to
kill you, your family and everyone you love - but you’ve asked for the
tsunami first. I know assisted suicide is a tempting idea to
support--the person wants to be dead and society wants to get rid of
disabled/terminally ill people. But why should anyone get an assisted
ride out? I am forced to wake up every day in this awful place and the
only hope for escape I have is winning the lottery or being killed in a
random drive by shooting. Let’s wait for the “gangbangers” to perform
an assisted murder.
Hoping to be shot is such an 1837 way to die. This is 2012. It is
the future. We should be more advanced than those filthy puritans that
landed in this country and killed each other for practicing witchcraft.
Now, I’m not saying that witchcraft is okay, but that’s a different
debate. What I am saying, is that it is time for progress. Men can
sort of marry other men, you can download full seasons of uncut episodes
of “ALF” off of torrent sites, a black man is president of this country
and only some people think he’s from Kenya--so why don’t we add
assisted suicide to that list? It fits perfectly. And to paraphrase
the late Johnny Cochran, “If the [assisted] suicide fits you
Some have accused OJ Simpson’s murder of Nicole Brown Simpson as the
first legal assisted suicide of the 90s, under the assumption she was
basically asking to be killed by having a relationship with another man.
I do not agree with this, nor do I agree with assisted suicide. If
someone has lost both his legs, he should not be killed by a doctor but
given metal legs. If someone has lost both her arms, she should not be
killed by a witch but given metal arms. If someone is slowly losing all
of his senses - like Ewan McGregor in the upcoming movie “Perfect
Senses”--he should fall in love with a woman while it’s happening. Love
is much better than an assisted suicide.
Just because I believe that people who are too cowardly to commit
suicide should be able to get some assistance does not mean that I think
assisted suicide is better than love or that OJ Simpson should be freed
from prison for stealing his own possessions. Assisted suicide is for those of us who are too
blundering to take our own lives. How many post-”The Naked Gun” Leslie
Nielson movies did you seen in the theater in an attempt to end your own
life? Six? Seven? It just doesn’t work. The late Dr.
Jack Kevorkian knew how to really end a life and it sexually aroused
him. So what? You should enjoy what you do for a living. And so what
if he had sexual intercourse with the freshly dead bodies? It wasn’t
hurting anybody. Assisted suicide doesn’t hurt anybody. It is absurd
that it is looked down on in this country. Anything that can whittle
down the population is good, in my opinion.
Assisted suicide hurts EVERYONE. It hurts the person who is killed.
It hurts the doctor/shaman who has to commit a reluctant murder. It
hurts our country because we get less money from the UN/One World
Government when our suicide rate increases! I empathize with the desire
to die and I sympathize with those who cannot do it themselves. But
I’m pro-life. This starts with the issue of abortion, which I oppose,
and extends all the way to assisted suicide, which I also oppose. I
could no more support someone’s right to have a doctor kill them than I
could a woman’s right to have a doctor kill her fetus. 3322 Fetal
Americans are killed every day by abortions and the number of humans
killed by assisted suicide is surely at least double that. If you want
to kill yourself, you can but at least have the decency to do it
yourself - like the bravest Fetal Americans among us.