Untertainment Weakly (2-24-12)

By Jake

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is in talks to play Hercules in an upcoming Brett Ratner adaptation.  Brett Ratner says that in this movie “Hercules is a faggot.”

“Community” is returning March 15!  “Parks and Recreation” will go on hiatus for five weeks while “Up All Night” finishes its season.

Warner Bros. is attempting to make a live action adaptation of the manga “Bleach.”  I’d rather drink bleach than see this movie.

Edgar Wright will direct a film adaptation of the TV series “Kolchak: The Night Stalker” starring Johnny Depp.

TBS has extended Conan O’Brien’s contract through 2014.

Matthew Perry Watch: The actor joins the TV series of “The Good Wife” In a recurring role.

FX has renewed “Archer” for a fourth season.

Movies Out This Weekend
Wanderlust - Guess what, ladies and fellows?  I want to see this movie so badly.  This is directed by David Wain and written by Wain and Ken Marino.  It stars Jennifer Aniston (America’s greatest actress) and Paul Rudd (America’s handsomest nice-guy).  Sadly, “Wanderlust” is not opening in the theater nearest me.  I will probably have to drive into Peoria, IL, to see it, or even worse, Pekin.  Now, the real question is whether I want to see this movie bad enough to drive twenty minutes to see it.  I’ll let you know next week, friends.

Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds - Hey, Tyler Perry is in this movie and you can tell by his name being in the title.  This movie will be seen by fans of Tyler Perry, but it will be hardly seen by anybody else.  Nobody else gives a fuck about Perry.  I have never seen a movie by him, but I assume they’re like Christian versions of “The Klumps.”

Gone - Amanda Seyfried stars in this movie.  Judging by the title, this movie could be about nearly anything.  Is it about a ghost? a kidnapping? a missing cruise ship? an invisible man? a break-up?  Nobody will ever know, not even the people who see this movie, because they will all be dead before the credits roll.

Other Thoughts
Watched a lot of movies this week, here is a list and ratings:
“Captain America: The First Avenger” 4.5/10
“Horrible Bosses” 7/10
“Battle: Los Angeles” 6/10
“Real Steel” 7/10
“Cowboys & Aliens” 6/10
“Final Destination 5” 7/10
“Super 8” 10/10
“Moneyball” 9.5/10
“Attack the Block” 9/10
“Hanna” 4.5/10
“Columbiana” 5.5/10
“Ides of March” 6.5/10
“Black Lightning” 5.5/10


  1. Parks & Rec going on hiatus is nearly as bad news as Community coming back is good news! I like the new Matthew Perry watch segment!! I want to see Wanderlust a lot also!!!

  2. Parks & Rec going on hiatus isn't bad news because it would have ended 5 weeks earlier than the other shows. So they're just putting it on haitus so that the other shows catch up to it while burning off the rest of Up All Night. It still has a full season.

  3. Bub, Matthew Perry Watch isn't new! This is just the first time it's been spelled out for us. Usually I have to rearrange all the letters in these posts and feed them into a complex algorithm to find out what's going on with MP that week.

  4. Hahaha!!! Up All Night is so awful!

  5. I am a parent and I LOVE it!

  6. Just because you eviscerate a pregnant woman and kill her baby doesn't make you a parent Charles!

  7. I agree on both of Bub's points. Up All Night is a really shitty show and Charles Manson is not a true parent.

  8. Why don't you nazi pigs you use of your nexxxxxxxxxt debates to debate whether or not having my followers kill Sharon Tate and her baby makes me a parent?

  9. Was this week's article linked on Drudge or something?

  10. He found it on Pinterest under the 'My Life' section

  11. In the dimension I come from, Charles Manson was killed by Sharon Tate, who really just didn't like his music.