Scam Bait - The Descendant

By Bub

--- On Tue, 2/21/12, Mr Carl Braithwait ( wrote:

From: Mr Carl Braithwait (
Subject: Your Funds Compensations
Date: Tuesday, February 21, 2012, 11:46 PM

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Attention Beneficiary,

How are you doing? This official email is from United Nation Compensation Award Center in regard of your awaiting fund which has not been paid out from the SCAM ALERT ACCOUNT which is to be shared among 150 scam victims around the nation. Well,in our record.A message was to sent to you regarding your outstanding funds of USD 1,500,000.00 (One Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars)that have been loaded into an ATM card for easy access via courier delivery service, but unfortunately,you never responded or show gratitude because of the little fee involved.

But surprisingly,we got a message from one Mrs Mary Watkins who told us that you were involved in an automobile accident and you are dead, and you have appointed her to be your next of kin and she has make up every arrangement to receive the ATM card after meeting up with the required fee of $235 Usd to have the ATM card shipped to her residential address.

So right now,we are using this opportunity to confirm if you are still alive to claim your funds or dead.

If i don't hear from you in less than 24hours,then i would have no choice than to forward the funds in the ATM Master card to Mrs Mary Watkins who claimed to us to be your Next of Kin..

Please use this medium to reconfirm this information below.

Full Name:
Phone Number:

Note: If you intend to received your package containing your ATM card,do ensure to contacts me with the email below so i can send you the Western Union Payment information slip so you can go ahead and make the required payment of $235 Usd needed before delivery commence.


Hope to hear from you ASAP.

Mr Carl Braithwait


Dear Mr. Carl Braithwait,

I have to tell you, I am shocked about this news. It is already Thursday as I read this - well past the 24 hour deadline - by the time I write this I must already be dead. I know, Carl, I am in disbelief too. It was hard enough to accept that I wasn't alive after reading your email, but the notion that there is email in the afterlife is almost too much to take in. It seems like just yesterday I was watching Judge Judy in my underwear, eating cold beets straight from the can, wondering if I was still alive. It turns out, I'm not. And to think that I had unknowingly been awarded $1.5 Million in compensation for the last time I was scammed by the United Nation. I could have bought that salad bowl I had my eye on, or salad tongs, or an even better pair of salad tongs than I was imagining when I mentioned salad tongs immediately before. I could have finally qualified for that ATM Master card...

I am terribly embarrassed by my behavior Mr. Braithwait, and I apologize sincerely and profusely for not having shown you gratitude regarding the award that I am learning of from this email. You are correct to impute that, despite my not being aware of this scam compensation program, my motivation for not responding was actually the little fee that was involved. You see, I am conditioned to avoid responding to any exterior circumstances out of the fear that a fee, no matter how small, might be incurred. This is a crippling state of affairs that has effectively rendered me inert.

Which makes it all the more surprising to learn that I have died in a car wreck. You will not be surprised to learn that I have a fear of cars, and you wont think it incredulous to know that I am also afraid of wrecks, but as unbelievable as it may seem, I am specifically afraid of dying in a car wreck. The fact that those three wholly disparate ills would converge on a shut in, who was busy memorizing the end credits to entertainment news programs, is nearly inconceivable. But as the sages say, it is no more inconceivable than life itself. That we do not wander around in existence in constant bewilderment betrays the true extent of our ignorance and unwarranted arrogance, Mr. Brainweight, and as the agent for security and financial contact, of this I know you are aware.

Now to the matter of Mrs. Mary Watkins. While I do not know Mary personally, am not related to her, and do not know of her so to speak; due to an unnecessarily complex, arbitrary and cruel Perpetual Trust that was set up by my great-great-great uncle, Waitcarl Watkins, on an uninhabited island in an atoll that now belongs to the Maldives but had since re-submerged into the ocean, she is my Next of Kin. Since you had no choice, I assume you have already transferred the funds in question to her. Good for her. I can tell by the way she claimed to be my Next of Kin that she is a kind and thoughtful lady that has brown hair and also a mole on her cheek. Perhaps she will use those funds to remove that mole, or dye her hair to a color more desirable to potential sexual partners - blond, black, etc. (I can also tell she is vain and superficial). But if I know Mary, and I do not, she will probably fritter it all away, purchasing ATM Master cards from unsolicited emails, and sending Western Union payments to people that do not really exist under utterly baffling pretenses, as she is wont to do.

Thank you Mr. Braithwait for being the skipper on my voyage across the River Styx. I'm sure it is thankless work, which is why I am retracting my 'thank you' from the previous sentence. Since you're my only medium to the world of the living tell Mrs. Watkins that I forgive her, for her sins, and that I died for them too, and that her only true path to salvation is to accept me into her heart and worship me, at least on the major holidays, and for her to deposit ten percent of her income into a mason jar that is to be kept next to my grave and buried with me following her death.

From Eternity,


  1. I can't believe the UN is wasting its time on finding cash rewards for dead people instead of condemning the massacre in Syria. BUB RIP Long Live the married Mary Watkins!

  2. I never knew Mary Watkins was a Mrs. That lady sure is FULL of mysteries!

  3. That is probably the best scam email i have ever seen. Questioning your status of life is a perfect way to get people to send you a small fee for an ATM card. My bank did the same thing to me!


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