Sincerely Sarah (3-7-2012)

By: Sarah

Hey Sarah,

I’m having the hardest time solving this rubix cube... Any tips?  If it helps at all, it isnt a normal rubix cube with different colors, but instead it has 6 different pictures of kitty’s on it!  The box looks adorable!  I just want to see them on the actual cube!  HELP!!

- Baffled By Cute Kitten Rubix Cube Eric

Dear Baffled Eric,

This sounds so cute!!!!! I really would love you to send me a picture of the completed cube. Kitties are so adorable and I love how nature makes them incredibly cute so that predators won't eat them!!! It totally works! I almost ate one once but then didn't because it was so cute!!!!! 

Here's what you do: Get the corners to match first. Keep one side as your focus, and don't lose focus. Rotate the rubix cube on it's axis until a subsequent cube hits the matching corners. Twist. Twist right. Left twist twice. Twist up and down until two cubes look like they may belong together. Do you see a kitty eye? Twist. Twist left then right. You should have three sides completed now. Find the whiskers. Repeat the steps backwards until the last three sides are completed. Voila! 

I need you to solve this wacky rubix cube almost as much as you do. If my advice is too advanced for you (you do sound like a novice, no offense) try joining an online support group for solving rubix cubes. Visit online forums and discussions about rubix cubes. The people that leave comments and rebuttals in these online forums are some of the smartest people out there. 

You could also take apart the cube and complete it like a puzzle on your dining room table. Then you put it back together with all the sides perfect. People will be so impressed and you'll be happy to have six kitties staring at you! You do have to be a good liar because everyone will ask how you did it. Make up a very, very boring story so they'll regret they asked almost immediately and stop listening.

Meow meow,

I am a 19-year-old student taking courses at a community college. One of my classes is taught by a great professor who also works at a state college teaching other teachers.
After an evening class with him one night, I returned to the classroom because I forgot something and ended up walking with him back to the parking lot. While putting stuff into my car I saw him get into another student's car. I waited a while without them realizing I was there and ended up seeing my professor and this student smoking weed and fooling around.
I feel angry and betrayed knowing he would put his career in danger. They are both consenting adults, but I don't know whether I should report it or not. What do you think?

Dear Betrayed Student on the West Coast,

I'm going to assume you're in California because of the weed reference. I heard the weather out there is always 70 and sunny, with clear blue skies and beautiful people everywhere. That sure sounds nice. Where I live, it is cold and raining. My landlord's uniform is a pair of cut-offs and he is missing three teeth.  I bring this up because you should know how good you have it before you get angry that people were doin' it in a car.

I'm sorry. That may have been harsh -- it's not your fault. I've bee hearing a lot about how sinful sex is from Fox News and Rush Limbaugh lately. Don't they know how fun it is? Did they even see "Friends With Benefits"?

Anyways, your situation calls for some serious deductive reasoning. First of all, they're smoking weed. How? One of them probably has a medical marijuana identification card because they are suffering or dying from an illness and weed makes it better. What else is good medicine? Sex. You better believe it! It burns calories, relieves stress, boosts your immune system, and releases endorphins that make you happy (which is probably why Fox News and Rush Limbaugh are so angry at everyone else). Bottom line is either your professor or his partner are dying and were resourcefully turning the car into a doctor's office. I advise you not to report it. I also advise you to join in next time as you seem like you could relax a little. 

Don't RUSH into anything, 

I am 43 years old with a wife and small, VERY small child (born 8 months premature).  I am interested in pursuing a career in theatre but I do not think I would be able to support my family if I do so.  Is it better for me to simply leave them and go off on my own or should I stick around, burn up all of our savings until we’re evicted from our house and forced to scavenge for food in the streets like beasts?  or is there a third option I haven’t considered?


Dear Aspiring Angel,

Definitely leave. Honestly, theatre is a wonderful, rewarding and eventually lucrative profession. The only drawback is that it does take a while to be able to support yourself on community theatre productions and commercials for Snuggies. The key word there is YOURSELF. You won't be able to support your hot wife and shriveled baby doing theatre until you get cast in a James Cameron film - which WILL HAPPEN if you NEVER GIVE UP. That was advice I got from a college professor when he was high at a party once. 

Don't take your family down with you. Tell your hot wife to wait for you while you pursue your dreams - she'll understand because she married you and from what I understand about marriage, that automatically means she supports any and every thing you do. Once you land that James Cameron film, she'll take you back. Also, how good-looking are you? I once heard that you can only be successful in Hollywood if people want to sleep with you. Do people want to sleep with you? 

I hope this helps. I also hope that you signed the letter "Aspiring Angel" because you specialize in monologues and roles for angels. That stuff is HUGE in theatre and Hollywood. "Angels in the Outfield" is a good example. Do as much angel material at auditions as possible. 

Never stop aspiring. Or mixing up the words "streets" and "food". It's quirky and fun. 

When the Angels win the pennant, 


  1. You make a lot of assumptions in that third answer. I am sure neither he nor his wife is HOT, just based off word usage and the fact they have a baby.

    Also, don't forget about Angels in America!

  2. Glenn, haven't you ever heard of a MILF? The term was popularized in the phenomenal film "American Pie," the one where Jason Biggs makes loves to a pie. It means "mother I'd like to fuck." It implies that the very mother the term is used upon is attractive and has given birth to a child.

    This is a very very funny feature. Thanks for brining it to OYIT, Sarah.

  3. Haha! That rubix cube answer was some of the best advice I've ever read, and I've read Montel Williams's guide to juicing with juicers and acquiring exponentially high interest short-term loans!!


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