The Lucky Lady: A Strip Club Adventure

By Jake

Rick and Joey stand on the lawn of Rick’s parents’ house playing a game of bloody knuckles.  A red station wagon pulls up.  Rick and Little Joey rush into Tommy’s car.  Kid Rock blares on the stereo.  Rick and Little Joey could hear it from a block away.  

“Hey fuckheads,” Tommy shouts.

Rick sits in the passenger seat.  He reaches over to punch Tommy in the crotch, but Tommy smacks his arm away.  Rick laughs.  Little Joey cackles in the backseat.  He’s sitting in the middle, lurched forward.

“So homos,” Little Joey shouts over the Kid Rock song, “what are we doing tonight?”

Tommy is drumming on the steering wheel to the song.  A smile creeps across his face.  “We are going to the titty bar, you faggots.”  They all let out a cleansing primal scream.  Even Kid Rock does, shouting his own name, as “Bawitdaba” restarts.

One week prior to these events, Rick had come into $600.  His grandmother passed away after suffering from Alzheimer's and leaking brain fluid from a fall on her bathroom floor.  The $600 was his inheritance.  He had already spent $500 of it on cigarettes, alcohol and fast food.  Rick loves Burger King.  He can devour several Whoppers in any state of intoxication.  With his last $100 he was planning on paying for all of their night at the strip club.

“I’m a cowboy, baby,” they all sing while twirling an imaginary cowboy hat above their heads and gyrating their hips like they are riding a horse or awkwardly making love.  After the song ends, Tommy skips back to “Bawitdaba” once more before they arrive at the strip club.

The trip from Rick’s parents’ house to the strip club was about 40 minutes and they had to cross a state line.  The strip club was called the Lucky Lady.  It’s a BYOB joint due to zoning laws.  Can’t serve alcohol and have women’s genitalia exposed.  The law may have had to do with pubic hair, but that would imply these women had pubes.

Rick and Little Joey are 20 years old and Tommy is 18, meaning none of them are of age to drink.  Rick had been getting anybody he could to buy alcohol for him, whether it be a 21-year-old friend or a person entering a gas station he managed to talk into helping him out.  He was desperate for livation.

“We’re here, you assfuckers.  YEAH!” Yells Rick.  The car buzzes with excitement and a massive cloud of cigarette smoke.  Little Joey rolls a joint with some regular weed.  Joey and Tommy get high.  Their mouths drying out and expelling hacking coughs.  They all light one more cigarette and make their way through the parking lot.  Joey’s eyes redden deeply, but Tommy’s are fine.  

They present their ID cards to the heavy-set man sitting behind the Lexan--a type of bulletproof glass.  He looks them over carefully and they each pay the $15 cover out of Rick’s money.  They can hear the thumping music leaking through the door.  The man stamps their hands and they push open the door and enter.

The club is hazy with cigarette smoke.  The black lights show off some embarrassing stains on Joey’s pants.  He hasn’t changed or washed them in weeks.  There are three connected, tiered stages.  The women rotate, with a new woman entering on the lowest stage.  The women strip their clothes off on the first stage and are completely nude on the next two.  All three stages contain a pole, of course.  Dim light strips line each stage.  Patrons can sit around any of the stages, or at a table further back.  The stages are lined with refrigerators, customers can use these to keep their drinks cold.

Rick, Joey and Tommy take a seat around the third stage.  A thin, white woman with curly brown shoulder-length hair gyrates and writhes around on the stage.  Her vagina is pierced and the barbell through it contains a flashing red light.  It is quite a spectacle.  “Walk” by Pantera crunches over the PA system.  Rick hands each of them $15 in singles and keeps $25 for himself.  They all place a dollar on the stage.  The woman crawls over to their section of the stage and brushes the money onto the stage.  She leans over and squeezes her breasts onto each of their faces, the scent of coconuts lingering on their skin.  Tommy and Rick have erections.  Joey is successfully fighting his back, although with great difficulty and concentration.

A blond woman wearing a g-string bikini approaches the three friends.  She offers them a lap dance.  Rick one-ups her and takes a private dance.  She leads him up a staircase into a room with a row of seats, each separated by a dividing wall.  She begins her dance as “Head Like a Hole” by Nine Inch Nails starts to play.

Tommy and Little Joey are watching a black woman with braids dance on the stage.  She is jiggling her bottom, but not to the music.  Tommy and Joey discuss sexual conquests which never happened.

“I fucked this one bitch so hard in the back of my car.  I accidentally honked the horn,” Joey says laughing boisterously.

“That is too fucking funny.  I fucked this hot bitch once in my parents’ basement, man.  It was, like, fucking amazing.  She sucked my dick and everything,” Tommy lied.
The woman on stage continued her dance, and put the crack of her butt against the pole, to separate her cheeks.  A few men whooped.

Meanwhile, Rick was still getting his private dance.  The dancer starts by facing away from him, and shaking her bottom from side to side in time with the song, lowers it halfway to the floor before popping it back up quickly.  The she lowers her butt onto Rick’s lap.  Rick’s erection throbbed.  She turns to face him and grinds her crotch against his, and places her breasts in his face.  The song ends and she offers him another dance, which he accepts.  The next song was “Dragula” by Rob Zombie.  This dance continues with the grinding, which is all Rick wants anyway.  They were dry humping.

Tommy and Joey continue to place dollars on the stage in trade for breasts on their faces.

“Man...tits are awesome!” Tommy exclaimed.  Joey agreed.

The woman on stage was on all fours, raising and lowering her butt, showing off her bald vagina.  Joey and Tommy stared and each place a single dollar on stage.  The song ends, and so does Rick’s private dance.

“That will be $80,” the stripper said.

“Oh, okay.  I’ll have to get it from my friends,” Rick said, knowing they would not have it.

Rick approaches Tommy and Little Joey and in a hushed voice says, “Okay, we need to go to the ATM.”  The ATM is located between the doors to the outside and the doors to inside the club.  They agree to go with him.  Rick takes out his driver’s license and puts it where the ATM card would go.  “Okay guys, on three we run to the car.”  Joey and Tommy don’t even have time to react before Rick starts counting.  On three they sprint toward the car yelling a string of profanities.  

Tommy fumbles with the keys to unlock the door.  They’re frantic.  Tommy speeds out of the parking lot, though nobody is chasing them..  Joey keeps looking out of the back window to make sure nobody is following them as they speed down the highway.

“What the fuck happened, asshole?”  Tommy asks.

“I got a blowjob!” Rick says, lying.

“Yeah right, you fucking faggot.  You probably gave her a blowjob!” Joey says and then gives Rick a high five.


  1. This is a re-imagining of the only time in my life I went to a strip club: with Bub and Andy at age 19. I will let the readers figure out who is who.

  2. Haha! Did I do that with you and Andy AND with Jake?! This was a great/erotic installment of Kentuckytown, Jake!!!