Existential Meditations - Secret Segregation

By Bub

Shelling has gone on outside in this Syrian city for days.  You wonder how they can eat so many oysters.  You are incinerated by a mortar.

A cloud rolls by that looks like Harry Dean Stanton.  You eject your DVD of 'Paris, Texas' and marvel at how that meager disc makes clouds appear inside your television.

A middle-aged man in a terrycloth robe sits alone in a county fair grandstand.  He's not sure how he got there, but he is certain he could win this year's beauty pageant.

After a vision induced by ayahuasca ingestion, an Aymara teenager starves to death - unable to eat - upon the realization that every living thing was just as alive as she was.

It is 5 a.m. in a small village in Alaska.  Every resident wakes up and gathers in the town square.  A Loretta Lynn song plays faintly in the distance as they all join hands and mutate into penguins.

An aphid ingests leaf matter in a fashion it recognizes as efficient.  It looks upon an aphid ingesting leaf matter in a fashion it deems as less efficient with opprobrium.

Shock G from Digital Underground sneezes on you at a bar.  You contract a rare strain of rabies that compels you to go straight to a Burger King bathroom and wait for someone to rape.

A junebug lands in a cup of coffee.  Luckily, it was decaffeinated.

A new hire at the glassworks accidentally drops his keys into the molten tin.  A searing rush of anxiety quickly subsides when he realizes he will not be thrashed mercilessly by a mace for his mistake, unlike those unfortunate fools at the plastics factory.

A racist cop performs at birthday parties as a clown on the weekends to relieve stress.  He likes to make people feel good after spending the work week ruining people's days.  He secretly segregates the balloons he uses for balloon animals by quality, but, the children all know and they resent him for it.


  1. This is very funny. Shock G once got busy in a Burger King bathroom, according to the lyrics of "The Humpty Dance."

  2. That cop is a true "everyman"

  3. I love these meditations! A woman in Switzerland died after attempting to live off sunlight alone. That's not a meditation for you - that's grim reality. Strangely akin to meditation #4.


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