The Good News (From Around the World)

By Jake and Glenn

It's a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper page. Love and tradition of the grand design - some people say it's even harder to find. But don’t despair; here comes Jake and Glenn, the “good news” pair!  Check out some positive headlines we’ve pulled from around the world.

All-You-Can-Eat Chinese Buffet Lives up to its Promise

Library Forgives Overdue Fines

“Austin Powers” and “Borat” Quotes at Record Low

Hitler Still Dead

Jay Leno’s “Headlines” shows Waning Popularity Among the Elderly

Games on Smart Phones Help Relieve Boredom

Movie Industry Thrives with Sequels, Remakes and Comic Book Adaptations

First Biracial President Still Not Assassinated

Papercuts Happening Less Often Across All Ages

Mistletoe-related Sexual Harassment Lawsuits Down During Summer Months

Another Year, Another Olympics Not Overtaken by Palestinian Nationalists

Congress Passes Law Mandating South Park Continue Until 2035

Real Ghost Activity Still at Zero

Your Favorite Band Reuniting for Summer Festival Circuit

Your Parents Love You

Most Bosses Running Even Later Than Employees for Meeting

The Internet: A Great Place to Sell Back Issues of Archie Comics

“Beach” Pictures on Facebook Up 34% Since Last Year

Dog Rescues Wagon Full of Babies

Your Husband Chose Not to Cheat

Most Mosquitoes Moving Away From Blood Sucking

Will Smith Releases New Single


  1. "Austin Powers" quotes are up in my house!

  2. Will Smith's new single is about not giving his kids medication because of scientology. really good beat.

  3. Haha! Thetans successfully cleared at record rate!!!

  4. “Austin Powers” and “Borat” Quotes at Record Low
    "Most Mosquitoes Moving Away From Blood Sucking"

    hilarious Glenn ~

  5. Hey, one of those are mine, Heidi! Don't ignore me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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