My Summer

By Jake

Some observant readers may have noticed that I was one of the few of OYIT's writers to contribute (mostly with my unpopular "Untertainment Weakly" article).  It was not always easy, of course.  My summer was not dependent on keeping up and reporting pop culture news.

Starting a Band and Making Sketches
Much of my summer was devoted to spending time going to the Quad Cities and hanging out with my good friends Ali and Bub.  We spent a few months making sketch videos before starting a band with my wife called Time Queef.  We already have over an hour of recorded material (much of which can be heard on Ali's Soundcloud), which includes a songs about lettuce sandwiches, Fisher Stevens, burning CDs and newfangled windmills littering the skyline.  Some of the videos we made can be found in the sidebar, although Ali made me take down a couple where she was really drunk.  She was embarrassed, and who can blame her--they were embarrassing!  I leave you with Bub and Gary performing as T (Gary) and a wine shop owner (Bub).

Gilmore Girls

Not everything I did was creative.  I also relaxed by watching episode-after-episode of "Gilmore Girls."  This is a great television program starring the beautiful Lauren Graham as a single mom living in a colorful small town in Connecticut.  I really enjoyed watching this show and was sadder when it ended than the day my parents died during the 9/11 attacks.

Getting into a Fight
Ali wanted Bub and I to attend a local rock show featuring the terrible band White Fang.  White Fang is a band that sings monosyllabic songs about partying without the fun or style of Andrew WK.  After a surreal set by the Portland rock band we all headed back to Ali's beautiful house for an after party, which included the bands, some concert-goers and a few of Ali's work chums from the pizza parlor Crust.

The party started out fine, with Bub, Dan and a really nice lady named Tammy hanging out and shit-talking the others at the party.  Yet, as the party dragged on, it became less fun for us.  The White Fang folks were displaying acts of "hilarious" homoeroticism.  What is funnier than the ludicrous act that gay males do?  I dunno--jokes?  I had just found out that my grandmother had cancer and was growing increasingly intolerant to the Portland folks using the word "faggot" in a hateful manner and a trio of attention starved youngsters endlessly playing the guitar and singing songs nobody was clamoring for.

Finally, at 3:30 AM, with people trying to sleep inside, the three guys playing guitar made their way inside because nobody was outside paying attention to them.  I asked them kindly to go back outside since people were sleeping, although I also had the ulterior motive of not wanting to hear them play their terrible music.  You would have thought I had made a ridiculous demand when I asked them this simple request, but one of the people, Kyle, took great exception.  He got in my face and was very belligerent.  I took him to the ground, which led his two friends to jump me.  When we were separated, I was bleeding a little bit, but I stand by what I did nevertheless.  Then Kyle got in my face even more, this time while jumping for some reason.  He called me "gay," which I told him was not cool and then he made fun of me for being P.C.  Then I pushed him pretty far at the peak of one of his jumps.  Then his friends jumped me again.  So I left the "party."  It was a really bad party full of mostly people I would never choose to associate with on a personal level.

That weekend, I was itching for a fight, possibly as a way to deal with my grief over hearing the news about my grandmother.  She is doing much better now and her tumor has shrunken enough to allow her to breathe out of her left lung, which was blocking the passage.

Other Things I Did
Watched "Die Hard" and "Die Hard 2" with Bub.
Went to an awful jazz concert at the Peoria riverfront.
Saw several movies in the theater including "The Watch," "The Avengers" and "The Campaign."
Thankfully, no weddings.
Watched "Basic Instinct," "Showgirls" and "Robocop" with Beth.
Bought a bass guitar and I am currently learning how to play it.
Started smoking cigarettes again, though I would like to quit.
Wrote dozens of songs.


  1. what did you think of Die Hard 2?

    I am glad to her your grandma is doing better.

  2. John Candy's GhostSeptember 12, 2012 at 1:39 PM

    your parents are with me and they made me do some of the scenes from Uncle Buck

  3. I've seen Die Hard 2 many times and it's good, but nowhere near as good as the original.

  4. Die Hard was great! So was this summer doing all those things you wrote about!! Come back to Facebook Glenn or at least come visit!!!