In Defense of Reese Witherspoon

By Jake

The internet is abuzz with the news that America’s sweetheart Reese Witherspoon was arrested late Friday/early Saturday.  Many are pointing fingers and laughing at this rare fuck up from America’s leading lady.  And, like usual, I am on the other side.  I am in defense of the lady who was born with a Witherspoon in her mouth.

Reese’s husband, CAA agent James Toth, was arrested for drunk driving.  Right there she already better than Lindsay Lohan and Halle Berry.  As he was being arrested, an impatient Reese was yelling at the officer.  He told her to be quiet and she asked him “Do you know who I am?” and then told him that she would soon because this was going to be national news.  Which it is.

Was her behaviour really deplorable?  I would argue that it isn’t.  She was drunk, obviously, and was smart enough not to drive, but not smart enough to not let her husband drive.  Of course, this wouldn’t be the big news that it has become if she hadn’t asked the officer if he knew who she was.  To be fair, we all know who she is.  She is the actress who starred in the great film “Election”!

Now that “Futurama” has been canceled again, this time by Comedy Central, the internet nerds are already on to something else.  One has to wonder if the “Futurama” cancellation was a false flag masterminded by Reese herself.  It is a very good deflection from her disorderly conduct arrest.

There seems to be a lot of vitriolic hate pointed toward Reese Witherspoon, as if she is a modern day Gwenyth Paltrow.  Unlike Gwenyth, Reese’s movies generally, at least on paper, fall into the “good bad movie” category.  Sure, her movies are generally bad, but they are fun and have some sort of hook that is compelling (like going to Harvard to be a lawyer).

I say that we leave Reese alone.  Remember who good she was in “Election”?  She should have won an Academy Award for her performance.  Would you react any differently if you had the jaw-dropping level of fame that Reese has?  She gets paid $20 million per movie.  We love her.  Hate her husband for driving drunk and for taking the only woman you have ever loved off of the market, but don’t hate her.


  1. If you hadn't used 'who' instead of 'how' in the second sentence of your last paragraph, I TOTALLY would have agreed with you. But now, I can only agree 47% which means she's a guilty bitch.

  2. Mrs. Witherspoon stated that she was a 'U.S. Citizen' and that she was allowed to 'stand on American ground.'

    sounds like a tea party patriot

  3. You are no longer free to stand on American soil, OR be a Hollywood star, in Obama's America!!! Thanks for standing up for someone (millionaire actress in this case) without a voice Jake - you are OYIT's Tom Joad!


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