10 Things You Will Remember if You Remember the 90s

By Jake

The 90s, the decade we reached sexual and spiritual maturity in. Whether it was by praying to a naked drawing of April O'Neal or performing fellatio on a priest during first communion, this is a universal truth of the 1990s. What are ten other things you may remember? Well, look at this:




1. That TV dinner that your mom threw at your dad when he called her selfish.

2. Macaroni and cheese. A true 90s treat.

3. Neon trenchcoats. Everybody was wearing them and we felt like we were in space.

4. Pills. Not only were we all flying high on a cocktail of barbiturates, but we all started taking those pills that made it so we didn't have to eat anymore. Thanks, Pfizer.

5. Gunk music. The sludge spouting guitars of Kirk Cobb had us enthralled and smelling truly what the Rock was cooking.

6. Those glasses. You know the ones I'm talking about.

7. Kelp. Those of us who weren't taking nutrition pills were piling our plates sky high with kelp. Yummy!

8. Being a burn victim. Not everybody remembers this, but 73% of the population does and that's enough to bait those clicks. Right, ladies?

9. Alien Ant Farm. We all loved them and still do.

10. Looking into the abyss. We all remember when the sky opened and all encompassing darkness spilled out like cut on Sasha Grey's face. There was nothing we could do but stare into it and many of us lost many family members to starvation. Thankfully, it disappeared as suddenly as it appeared. Praise Xenu.

1 comment: