Welcome to The Resistance

By Jake

Ever since Donald Trump became president there's been an elite group standing up to his agenda of hatred and class warfare: The Resistance.


To join The Resistance one needs to do little more than vocally disavow Donald Trump. The Resistance goes beyond political lines. It's a partisan effort to do whatever one can, outside of anything actionable, to stand in Donald Trump's way.

Here are some stars of The Resistance:

Hillary Clinton
The yas kween herself, Hillary Clinton, ran against Donald Trump in the 2016 US General Election. She somehow struck out on a slow lob, but nobody holds it against her. Instead, the fingers point at much more nefarious characters: Bernie Sanders and Jill Stein. Hillary has done some exciting resisting like charging $50 to $350 for tickets to her book tour, not marching in the Women's March, and hanging out in the woods with her sexual predator husband.

John McCain
Earlier this year, John McCain was diagnosed with a brain tumor. That didn't keep him from coming back to vote against overturning the ACA. It also didn't keep him from more recently voting for a tax reform bill that overturns the ACA that was passed at almost 2AM, which is way past his bedtime.

Jeff Flake
Jeff Flake called Donald Trump something like "a rude McDonald's bitch," and then continuing to vote right in line with the Trump agenda. Jeff Flake is proof that anybody can and should resist.

Mitt Romney
This Mormon robot has often spoke out against Trump. At the rate the democrats are moving, it's not fully unlikely that he's the DNC's dream candidate for 2020, even if he's an abhorrent conservative piece of shit.

Jimmy Fallon
Many people have pointed to the Tonight Show host tusseling Trump's fucked up hair as a humanizing moment that possibly helped get Trump elected. Yet, Fallon has been sticking it to the president in milquetoast monologue jokes and dances that mock his tiny hands. Jimmy Fallon, you're forgiven and my sides are split.

See? It's not difficult to be welcomed into The Resistance. You can 100% fall in line with Trump and still be part of it, just as long as you call him rude or make a far noise when he's on television yelling "blood and soil" at an audience of white dipshits. Keep resisting everybody and when all the entitlement programs have been killed and we're fighting over moldy scraps of bread that fell out of Steve Mnuchin's pocket on his way to a sex museum, we can reflect on how we sat at home and resisted an administration of bigotry.

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