By Nate
YoungMoses: @GodofAbraham, I just killed an Egyptian. Swy. Plz don't tell.
Pharaoh: @YoungMoses, U killed an Egyptian? Y WOULD U TWEET THAT? Get the fuck out!
YoungMoses: @GodofAbraham, thanks for the exile. I won't pray via tweets again.
GodofAbraham: @Moses, I AM A VENGEFUL GOD!
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YoungMoses: I've come across a burning bush in the desert while herding sheep. It can talk. Weird.
GodofAbraham: @YoungMoses: That burning bush is me!
YoungMoses: @GodofAbraham: Y r U n the form of a burning bush? Just tweet me.
GodofAbraham: @YoungMoses: ur right. That was a stupid ploy. I'm just trying to spice up the Bible. Now go free the slaves!
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Moses: @Pharaoh: Let my people go!
Pharaoh: @Moses: no.
Moses: @Pharaoh: plz?
Pharaoh: @Moses: no.
Moses: @Pharaoh: I'm going to blot out the sun, kill ur kid, send locusts and frogs, give you lesions, and turn the water into blood 2 name a few.
Pharaoh: @Moses: U Crzy. I'm blocking you from my twitter.
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Moses: @God, ok, so I've got the Chosen Ones out of Egypt, but now the army is after me and I've run into the Red Sea. What now?
God: @Moses, Jesus Christ! Ten plagues and U still can't escape!
Moses: @God, Jesus who?
God: @Moses, nvmd. Ok, I'm going to part the sea, but you have to hold your staff over your head the whole time.
Moses: @God: Why?
God: @Moses: I'm into theatrics.
Moses: @God: wow, you just drowned the entire Egyptian army.
God: @Moses: I AM A VENGEFUL GOD!
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Moses: @God, so why do I have to climb this mountain to receive the Ten Commandments. JUST TWEET ME!
God: @Moses, stop whining! Ur always whining! I'm going to drop more manna on U if U don't stop now.
Moses: @God, the Israelites are getting restless. They have an obsession with a calf.
God: @Moses, you have no idea. Now get up here so I can do some cool lightning shit.
Moses: @God, Y did U have to make these tablets in stone? Papyrus would be so much easier to carry down!
God: @Moses, again with the whining! Ur not gonna like what you see when you get down the mountain.
Moses: @God, A GOLDEN CALF? They broke #2 before they even knew about it!
God: @Moses, Yeah, this might be the first loophole, but you should still go ape-shit on them. I AM A VENGEFUL GOD!
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God: @Moses, well here you are: The Promised Land!
Moses: @God, wow. After 40 years in the desert I'd never thought I'd get here. And to think I doubted you so many times.
God: @Moses, SURPRISE! You're not actually going.
Moses: @God, what?
God: @Moses, yep, take a good look at it cuz ur never gonna set foot in it. I'm taking U 2 heaven now. I'm also deactivating ur twitter.
Moses: @God, ur kidding. Wait – I'm floating! The Heavens are opening! Celestial Choirs!
God: @Moses, trust me, you don't want to be around for the whole Jericho thing anyway. The Israelites are gonna look so stupid. Marching and then blowing horns! The joke will be on Jericho in the end tho. I AM A VENGEFUL GOD!
Moses: @God, that tweet was more than 140 characters. What gives?
God: @Moses, I AM TWITTER!
YoungMoses: @GodofAbraham, I just killed an Egyptian. Swy. Plz don't tell.
Pharaoh: @YoungMoses, U killed an Egyptian? Y WOULD U TWEET THAT? Get the fuck out!
YoungMoses: @GodofAbraham, thanks for the exile. I won't pray via tweets again.
GodofAbraham: @Moses, I AM A VENGEFUL GOD!
------------
YoungMoses: I've come across a burning bush in the desert while herding sheep. It can talk. Weird.
GodofAbraham: @YoungMoses: That burning bush is me!
YoungMoses: @GodofAbraham: Y r U n the form of a burning bush? Just tweet me.
GodofAbraham: @YoungMoses: ur right. That was a stupid ploy. I'm just trying to spice up the Bible. Now go free the slaves!
------------
Moses: @Pharaoh: Let my people go!
Pharaoh: @Moses: no.
Moses: @Pharaoh: plz?
Pharaoh: @Moses: no.
Moses: @Pharaoh: I'm going to blot out the sun, kill ur kid, send locusts and frogs, give you lesions, and turn the water into blood 2 name a few.
Pharaoh: @Moses: U Crzy. I'm blocking you from my twitter.
------------
Moses: @God, ok, so I've got the Chosen Ones out of Egypt, but now the army is after me and I've run into the Red Sea. What now?
God: @Moses, Jesus Christ! Ten plagues and U still can't escape!
Moses: @God, Jesus who?
God: @Moses, nvmd. Ok, I'm going to part the sea, but you have to hold your staff over your head the whole time.
Moses: @God: Why?
God: @Moses: I'm into theatrics.
Moses: @God: wow, you just drowned the entire Egyptian army.
God: @Moses: I AM A VENGEFUL GOD!
------------
Moses: @God, so why do I have to climb this mountain to receive the Ten Commandments. JUST TWEET ME!
God: @Moses, stop whining! Ur always whining! I'm going to drop more manna on U if U don't stop now.
Moses: @God, the Israelites are getting restless. They have an obsession with a calf.
God: @Moses, you have no idea. Now get up here so I can do some cool lightning shit.
Moses: @God, Y did U have to make these tablets in stone? Papyrus would be so much easier to carry down!
God: @Moses, again with the whining! Ur not gonna like what you see when you get down the mountain.
Moses: @God, A GOLDEN CALF? They broke #2 before they even knew about it!
God: @Moses, Yeah, this might be the first loophole, but you should still go ape-shit on them. I AM A VENGEFUL GOD!
------------
God: @Moses, well here you are: The Promised Land!
Moses: @God, wow. After 40 years in the desert I'd never thought I'd get here. And to think I doubted you so many times.
God: @Moses, SURPRISE! You're not actually going.
Moses: @God, what?
God: @Moses, yep, take a good look at it cuz ur never gonna set foot in it. I'm taking U 2 heaven now. I'm also deactivating ur twitter.
Moses: @God, ur kidding. Wait – I'm floating! The Heavens are opening! Celestial Choirs!
God: @Moses, trust me, you don't want to be around for the whole Jericho thing anyway. The Israelites are gonna look so stupid. Marching and then blowing horns! The joke will be on Jericho in the end tho. I AM A VENGEFUL GOD!
Moses: @God, that tweet was more than 140 characters. What gives?
God: @Moses, I AM TWITTER!
