Showing posts with label heat wave. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heat wave. Show all posts

Good Morning Dog Days

By Keelin 

Good morning or whatever. It's the end of August, which means the hottest, most miserable time of the year is upon us (unless you're European, in which case you are probably vacationing topless with your mistress and her cousin). It's a well-established fact that nothing good ever happens during the dog days of August, so I'm not even going to try to lift your spirits. Sufficed to say, this season will soon be over and we can go back to blaming our unhappiness on our parents, partners, and jobs.

Today's Dog Day Weather Forecast



I can't believe I even have to tell you this: it's hot! It's hot everywhere, without reason or recourse. Maybe you could buy one of those little personal fans.

Today's Dog Day Film



Why, it's "Dog Day Afternoon." This film was made back in the 1970s, when inflation was high and Al Pacino could still get decent parts. Watch it this weekend and prepare to be amazed and depressed.

Today's Dog Day Celebrity Birthday



Today is the birthday of acclaimed actress Sarah Chalke, a.k.a. "Second Becky." I like to think Roseanne and John Goodman show up at her house to sing "Happy Birthday" to her every year.

Today's Dog Days Prediction



August will end, but not soon enough.

Good Morning Sunshine

By Keelin 



Good morning, sun. It's been another week of scorchers here in America, the country God loves the most and the solar system hates the least. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration is predicting that 2010 will be the hottest year on record. Rush Limbaugh responded by pointing out that on the evening of July 13th, he felt a cool breeze -- thus totally and definitively disproving that human activity is causing climate change. The power of that single anecdote could fire up a million suns!

Today's Sun Forecast



Like Justin Bieber, the sun is hot and getting hotter. Every billion years solar heat increases by ten percent. Eventually, the sun will be so hot that earth will no longer be able to support life or tween pop music.

Today's Sun Fact



French king Louis XIV was known as the Sun King because he too was made of hydrogen and helium.

Today's Sun Prediction



After months of boiling temperatures, the sun will be declared an enemy combatant and detained for indefinite questioning. The sun will spend the next billion years pursuing appeals until the entire legal system and all of humanity is swallowed up by its gaseous rays. Donald Rumsfeld will be the sole survivor.