By Keelin
Good morning. Hopefully you're reading this at work, where you've already mentally checked out in preparation for the weekend you're about to spend drinking from a beer cozy and saying things like, "I can't believe how much air that jet ski caught!" The three-day weekend is as treasured an American tradition as union busting, capital punishment and Mom's apple pie.
Also, unless you're in the Klan, this is your last chance to wear white until next Memorial Day.
Today's Three-Day Weekend Weather
The weather will be lovely, but a bitter breeze will sweep through your heart, reminding you that all your cherished memories of summer fun are nothing but figments of your fevered brain. Also, there's a thirty percent chance of rain on Sunday.
Today's Three-Day Weekend Fact
Much like the first Thanksgiving, the first three-day weekend can be traced back to a heartwarming collaboration between our native American and pilgrim forebears. Lo these many years ago, settlers held off giving a local tribe small pox infested blankets until Tuesday, thus granting those peoples a "three-day weekend" before death. Wonderful!
Today's Three-Day Weekend Prediction
Like all holidays, this one will disappoint. You will immediately start looking forward to the fun of Halloween. Your costume choice? Slutty blog reader.
