Good Morning from OYIT [Wed Feb 11]

By Jake

Glenn is still recuperating from his cracked pelvis, so I'm back at the helm once again. This time I had a bit more notice so hopefully the article will blossom as a result. See, I didn't even make a Mayim Bialik joke (unless that counts).

I'm know I'm not as highbrow as Glenn with his constant references to liberal politics and the Iraq war, but what I lack in political knowledge I make up in popular culture knowledge. 50 Cent vs. Rick Ross is my Iraq war and Suddenly Susan is my liberal politics.

I chose this map because it was the most beautiful of all the maps, yet it indicates something that could potentially be dangerous if caught: the vapors. For years women in the south have been attacked by fervent fits of the vapors, sometimes causing them to faint. If you see a woman place their hand upon their forehead with the palm facing out, then you should immediately run up behind them with your arms stretched outward. You are going to need to catch them because they are about to faint. That's a bit of the ol' southern hospitality that these ladies would congenially show you. Please return the favor.

Marsupial of the Day: the Opossum
While many people run in terror from these curly tailed monsters, others find their antics quite amusing. The phrase "playing possum" derives to this Western Hemisphere marsupial's ability to act as if they are dead to stave off bear attacks. Next time you see an opossum in your garden, you might not want to run and get your spade to bash its brains in. Instead just go inside until it leaves. It will be better for your karma. If you kill a possum with a shovel you will probably come back in your next life as a possum or a shovel. I'd rather come back as a majestic eagle or a super model's novelty Mickey Mouse alarm clock.

A Brief Anecdote
I went outside to take the snow shovel to the garage. We had it on the front porch because our garage is full of rocks, a cradle and various gardening tool (all of which my father left behind). As I'm coming back from the garage, the Greek man who lives across the street is yelling at his tiny dog. He's yelling very boisterously, "Shit! Shit!" It was not out of anger, but rather a command. That man really wanted his dog to shit, and I believe it did.

Today's Unexplainable Rap Phrase: "Zoom a Zoom Zoom and Boom a Boom Boom"
Wreckx-n-Effect bring us a song that's "sweeter than candy" called "Rump Shaker," which is about shaking your rump like a rump shaker. The chorus beholds the phrase of the day: "All I wanna do is zoom a zoom zoom and boom a boom boom/Just shake your Rump." Nobody knows what this means. I even called Pharrell and he had no clue and he ghost wrote the second verse and made the beat. He just said it was some just shit they were sayin'. It's kind of like scatting. There are many lyrical gems in this song and the music video is a classic. The Rap Phrase of the Day has co-signed with the Music Video of the Day.

If that song doesn't get your booty shaking and moving all around you don't deserve to have a good morning. Everybody else, have a great morning!


  1. First!

    It's pretty simple to be highbrow. You just have to read more, like this essay from the New York Review of books about Milton. Of course, I can't tell if it's about John Milton, Milton Friedman or Milton Berle, but the point is I understood over 60% of the words.

  2. i loled at the anecdote.

    p.s. it feels good to read this RIGHT when it gets posted. i'm going to start getting up this early every morning.

  3. Glenn, I can't read that. I have selective high brow dyslexia.

    Maddie, I lol'ed when it was happening and was very confused.

  4. Glenn! You have a cracked pelvis? Where have you been? People on the internet are worried! RESPOND TO MY BBM!

  5. Opossum is derived from an Algonquin word NOT a Greek or Latin word, to the plural is possums NOT possa get it right whoever considers pluralizing the word 'possum' in the future!!!

    Thnx 4 Wrex-In-Effekts, M Rmp Z Shkng Lk M J Fx Tryn 2 eat C-real


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