Life With Mikey [5-11-09]

By Mikey

I've been reading this really good Garfield collection by the great Jim Davis. I like when Garfield can't kill spiders because it reminds me of my wife. She won't even watch Gremlins 2: The New Batch because of the spider Gremlin. She needs to grow up.

  • I hope this "Swine Flu" doesn't prevent me from eating bacon on sandwiches.

  • A dress shirt looks unusual when it's not tucked into pants.

  • Once the temperature reaches 90 degrees, my Gatorade intake nearly doubles.

  • If I could change one thing about rude drivers, it would be the speed at which they drive.

  • Denzel Washington's acting is miserable. He's almost deaf to comic timing.

  • As a Nation, we really got over the Minneapolis bridge collapse quickly.

  • On my way to work the other day, I rapped to a beat on the radio. It was really hard! I barely rhymed once.

  • What's the deal with these steroids in Major League Baseball? It's just sad is all I'm saying.

  • My son wanted me to buy him the new Akon album and got so mad when I brought T-Pain home. Like there's a real difference!

  • Dogs have the worst breath. I can't stand it!

  • Whatever happened to the Virtua Boy? Everybody loves the Wii so much, but nobody liked that.

  • I rarely drink, but when I do I like to get rootbeer Schnapps. It makes me wish I had a rootbeer float, though.

  • Adult swim is the best pool related invention since the high dive.

  • Folk music is so boring.

  • What happened to that band Sugar Ray? It seemed like their star would never stop rising.


    1. Dogs do have the worst breath. That's an issue we can agree on, Mikey.

    2. Mikey, you idiot.

      The Virtua Boy was giving people cancer and killing children so Nintendo pulled it off the market. It wasn't like the Wii at all. It was like a Nintendo that you had to wear as googles instead of using a TV. That was the only difference.

    3. You owned a Virtua Boy. It's the reason you have to wear glasses.

    4. "Folk music is so boring."

      two words: fuck you

    5. I wonder the same thing about Sugar Ray, but I really want to know what happened to Vertical Horizon.

    6. I want to know who the f Vertical Horizon is in the first place.

    7. ...and that's why I find calling someone "dog breath" more offensive than 95% of all racial slurs.

    8. Mikey you are one of American's greatest secrets.

    9. arachnophobia is no joke, mikey. ever gone into a coma because of it? well i have and it's just not fun.
      also, i think you should listen to your son when he tells you the difference between rappers and such. i know my parents and i would've been closer sooner if they had listened to me. that's all i'm sayin'.