Bub's Public Joke File Vol. 3

By Bub
Here’s a dirty joke – How many prostitutes had sex for money last night? All of them.

What is the square root of Ted Danson? Skeet Ulrich.

Look, what is the deal with kids with their iphones today? It’s like they’re always skating around on their iphone enjoying dexterity and flexibility not possible with the conventional four-wheeled rotary phones.

What did the Irishman say to the Jew? Top of the morning to you.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Ro. Ro who? Ro-land Burris is Barack Obama’s controversial appointed replacement to the U.S. Senate.

What is the capital of Jersey City?

A terrible thing happened on the way to work, someone asked me for directions and I didn’t have any on me. When I told them, they didn’t seem to believe me. I threw my wallet at them and ran away.

I was a vegetarian because I supported non-violence. But you don’t eat plants that die of natural causes and you don’t murder people just because they’re standing still.

Why am I always telling all my secrets to the ATM machine?

What did the Al Qaeda terrorist say to another Al Qaeda terrorist? Allahu akbar! This is like the fifth straight game I’ve beaten you at Tetris!

Barack Obama had to use a teleprompter to teach his law classes at the University of Chicago. And by teleprompter I mean lesson plan.

You know what the great thing about grandparents is? They let you out of that dungeon after about fifteen years.

My dad is a huge Nascar fan. One time he let me huff paint with him and fall asleep in the parking lot of Buffalo Wild Wings on Brickyard 500 Eve. The next morning our spines hurt too much to watch TV or eat ranch wings, so we rolled over into the grass and woke up a few days later.

Do you remember when Seinfeld wore that puffy shirt?! He was so embarrassed.

Chuck D and Sean Hannity went to the same university. Only one graduated.

If Barack Obama had started the Iraq war instead of Bush, Sean Hannity would be spitting in returning soldiers’ faces.

If John Tesh got his feelings hurt by anyone, I would spit in their face.


  1. Chuck D graduated in case you didn't know

  2. you're like a hipper, younger version of mikey.

    this post is like a hipper, younger version of a prairie home companion's annual joke show.

  3. This is so funny. I'm commenting on it from Macomb, where jokes go to die, so you know I'm sincere.

  4. When you said dad you mean stepdad right? Because I thought that happened to you and Reno in 2002.

  5. "Do you remember when Seinfeld wore that puffy shirt?! He was so embarrassed."

    Sure Mikey didnt write that?

  6. I'm quite excited for you to come home so we can enjoy this kind of gold more often.

  7. After I read this at Kal's parents' house in Fandon (outside of Macomb) her dad read it. I don't think he got it because he didn't laugh at all.

    Also, the very first joke popped into my head randomly all weekend and it made me laugh every time.