Good Morning

By Glenn

Good morning. The screams of the internet (and the people who use it) have rang out for the preceding weeks without a good morning post from me. I hear these screams; they echo in my nightmares every night whilst sleeping on the National Mall in Washington DC. Morning for me starts when the sun rises on the Eastern seaboard. I feel what I think is its warmth but what turns out to be the recent tinkle of the homeless man sleeping besides me. Morning in a big city isn't that different from morning in a small city. The rooster still crows, the rush hour still begins and you still get out of bed with the utmost determination to live each day to the fullest. So let's get started.

[The rush hours in big cities are intense in the amount of people and cars on the road. That's why I hope you're reading this good morning post before you start on your two hour commute.]

Today's Weather
In Washington DC, it's very humid. In fact, Washington DC was named #2 in Maxim's recent "Top 100 Sexy Cities." That means even when the high is forecast at 72 degrees, with the humidity it could easily feel 50-100 degrees warmer. I know that no one in the DC metro area reads this so it's pointless for me to tell you about the weather here, but if you'll remember in my earliest good morning posts I was talking about weather from Montana. So there is some precedence. Plus, how will we attract the opinion makers and political elite unless they have a place to come for jokes and weather? Right now's "Jokez and ur Fourcast!" comedy section is going over about as well as me screaming Allah u Akbar on the National Mall.

Today's Gripe
The two things in life that I need to be happy in life are a solid internet connection and a solid surface on which I can use my computer, preferably a desk but possibly a table. However, it's been a long time since I've had those things at once. Back in Missouri I used to go to the library (in DC, these are homeless shelters with some DVDs and books) and I could have all the surface space I wanted to spread out. I'd use a real computer mouse attached to my laptop and, if I wanted, have a magazine open next to me. Thankfully today I move into my new condo where I'll have at least two desks, fifteen tables and exactly 14,400 kilobytes per second of dial-up internet speed.

Today's Movie Awards
If you thought awards season was over and most of the movies out now are absolute shit with no chance of being nominated for an Oscar, you are correct. Nevertheless, MTV had an MTV Movie Awards show on tonight, hosted by moderately (and progressively less) funny Andy Samberg. There were some entertaining bits, a lot of love for the move Twilight and an amazing amount of screaming girls. The screams, produced anytime the Twilight vampire was shown, almost seemed staged. But I guess it's better than that the screams were those of delight rather than of horror, such as at this year's Academy Awards any time Hugh Jackman did a "musical number." I live tweeted the entire awards show and felt ashamed, but not as ashamed as when I texted my vote to 66643 for Twilight as Movie of the Year.

Today's Prediction
The MTV Movie Awards will go "online only" as a way to save money next year. I will scream in frustration because I don't have high speed internet to watch it on. Once I find a wireless network to stream the show, my desk will collapse under the weight of all the movie stars and I will once again be frustrated. When I move into my new condo today it'll be so hot that I sweat in my shirt. It's humid here is what I'm saying.


  1. I'm so glad you got a new condo, and managed to fit all fifteen of your tables into it!@

  2. thank you for this glenn!! i hope your condo move goes as smoothly as last night's musical number made up of snl digital shorts.

  3. way to jump on the george jefferson 'movin' on up' cruise. it's humid here too - i hope it gets hot.

  4. Finally you'll be happy now that you have a new place to live.

  5. it's so dry here that my skin is flaking off and my eyes are dried shut in the morning. STOP TAKING THE GLORIOUS HUMIDITY FOR GRANTED.

    now that you are gone from missouri, i will have all the table space i want. i never told you before, but it really was sort of annoying how you insisted on having not only your computer and mouse, but nine or ten magazine spread out around you at all times. i never did understand those magazines.