Life With Mikey [6-08-09]

By Mikey

It's been pretty rainy here lately. I haven't checked the rain gauge in the last week, but I bet it's overflowing by now! I don't know why I need a rain gauge when I have a computer. It's not like the rain gauge is going to tell me the score for the big game or have pictures of cats on it. Rain gauges are so 15 years ago.

It makes me uncomfortable when rappers glorify drug use and murder, but I still love doing a Notorious B.I.G. impression whenever one of his hits comes up on iTunes.

There are few things in life worse than swimmer's ear.

Three's Company was a pretty good show, but all of those mix-ups got to be infuriating after a while.

I have never played hopscotch and I reckon I never will.

Tom Petty's voice is like silk. If it were a pie I bet it'd be delicious.

Tales from the Crypt is my favorite horror anthology show, mainly because I like puns so much.

Howard Stern is filthy.

I'm glad Magic Johnson's HIV wasn't as serious as we thought in the early 90s.

If your house is on fire and you try to take stuff out of it then you're asking for trouble.

Diamonds are a girls best friend, but dogs are man's? I don't know who got the short end of that stick! Probably the dogs!

Netflix is great, but I've had Liar, Liar at home for two weeks and have only watched it twice. I feel like I'm wasting my money.

Cow's milk is the worst.

When was the last time you listened to Chumbawumba? I can't remember, but it wasn't that long ago.

Pottery Barn is a disgrace to barns everywhere.

Reggae is pretty good music even if it's all about smoking marijuana.


  1. "Tom Petty's voice is like silk. If it were a pie I bet it'd be delicious."

    that doesn't even make sense! and you're really missing out on hopscotch.

  2. You might as well just cancel your Netflix subscription and buy Liar Liar on Blu-ray. That kind of plebeian humor will always entertain a simpleton like you.

  3. Glenn, that kind of negativity is not necessary!

  4. Cow's milk is not the worst, Goat's milk is.

  5. Life with Mikey is the only reason I get on the internet on Mondays.

  6. tom petty's voice IS a french silk pie! howard stern IS filthy! the only thing worse than swimmer's ear is genocide.

    oh, mikey, i wish you weren't married!

  7. mikey got his groove back. how wholesome and honest you are sir. it's a shame ingrid claimed your hand already - after your divorce, of course.

  8. Mikey's columns all make me so mad even though they're funny. I just want to punch someone!

  9. maybe you should work on your anger issues glenn.

    i gotta say, even though i hate 99% of the stuff he says, i admire him. everyone gives him shit, every week, and yet he keeps brushing off the h8rs and coming back with more dumb ass musings, every week!

  10. i find mikey's traditional values and crotchety, get-off-my-lawn mentality irresistible.

    but really, why ISN'T magic johnson dead yet? all that money, i guess!

    and when glenn says he wants to punch someone, he means he wants to punch me. it was a big problem when we lived in the same city. B-(