Life With Mikey [11-30-09]

By Mikey

I'm sorry that I have missed the last couple weeks. I had to go out of town to the in-laws' house for turkey day. I call it turkey day because I don't want to sit there and list everything I'm thankful for. That's what this weekly column is for.

A violin is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

My wife knows as much about sports as I know about pressing a pair of pants.

I haven't had Arby's in two weeks and I'm starting to get withdrawals.

If it wasn't for cake, birthdays would be very depressing.

I wouldn't even feed an orphan Taco Bell.

Hagar the Horrible is the funniest viking by miles.

If I had to pick one thing that makes Three's Company so funny, I would choose the wacky mix-ups the characters seem to always find themselves.

I have that Jeff Foxworthy book about how to tell if you're a redneck. I am not a redneck, according to the book.

I have eaten spinach at three separate meals in the last week.

Why would a plumber fight a dinosaur? Some video games don't make much sense.

I don't have a Myspace page. I barely even know what one is.

When I turn on the top 40 pop radio station all I hear is songs with piano. What's the deal?

Swearing might be considered lowbrow, but it really gets the point across sometimes.

I still don't know what "this" is in that MC Hammer song.

Charlie Chaplin is funny, but his tramp character is a little too old-timey for me.


  1. i'm so fucking glad you're fucking back, mikey, you dumbass piece of shit! i'm so fucking glad you fucking like swear words, too!

  2. I'm glad you're eating green vegetables, Mikey.

  3. Mikey, I found this "Where should I eat?" Fast Food Flow Chart and thought of you. When it asks "would you ever eat at Arby's?" I can hear you saying, "Boy, would I!"