Brittany Murphy's Last Phone Call

By Bub 

The following is the transcript of Brittany's side of Brittany Murphy's last phone call.


Oh hi there.

No I’m here by myself watching reruns of The Golden Girls.

Yea. You wont believe what Sophia just done. The girls were talking together and all of a sudden Rose said “I just had a thought” and Sophia goes – “Congratulations”! Haaaah hah!

No, no, no, it wasn’t a good idea or nothin’, Sophia was just pokin’ fun at Rose because she aint too bright.

Right, like cuz she’s Scandanavian or somethin’.

No you're thinking of Scientology.

Anyway, yea the hubby’s out of town and I am just kickin’ back – HAHAHAHAAAAAA!!

Sorry, sorry. It’s just this time Sophia said “I hate communism.” And Dorothy goes – “That’s because you were raised fascist Ma”!

No, not fashion, fascism. Like the political philosophy that conflates corporatism and the state often co-opting religion to serve its means.

Yea, like Franco!

No, not James Franco… Nevermind, so anyway what’s new with you and Bobby?

Oh my gawsh, that sounds amazing.


Well if you’re asking my opinion I just think that – WAAAAAHHHHahAHAHahaHAHaH (high-pitched squealing and squeaking).

No, I know, I know, I’m sorry. It’s just these Golden Girls are so golden! Blanche just asked Rose “What was your first impression of me?” And Rose said, “I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut. I was wrong… You don't wear too much makeup.”!!! Oh my gawd!

No, she doesn’t wear too much make-up.

No that’s not the joke. It’s because she was wrong about the make-up but she didn’t say anything about Blanche being a slut.


No not you, honey. It implies that Blanche is a slut. (Which she is by the way).

Alright where were we, oh wait you gotta hear this line; “[Blanche: This is strictly off the record but Dirk is nearly five years younger than I am. Dorothy: In what, Blanche, dog years?] HHHAAAARRRRRRR HHHAAAARRRRR (squealing, squeaking), she’s so OLD, EHEHAHAHAHAH (chortling, snorting, gasping)frickin'... funny... (cough, wheeze, gurgle).


[Rose: You know what they say: you can lead a herring to water, but you have to walk really fast or he'll die.]



  1. It's almost so soon that it's actually too late.

  2. She DID die too soon. Luckily we have a record of her final remarks.

  3. "Right, like cuz she’s Scandanavian or somethin’.

    No you're thinking of Scientology."

    that is so funny.


  4. hahaha. In the United States alone, Golden Girls rituallistically kills 4 people annually.

  5. The Golden Girls IS amazing, and I'm thrilled to know Brittany Murphy understood that.


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