Showing posts with label fascism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fascism. Show all posts

One Year In Texas Talk 6-16-10

By Nate 



One Year In Texas Talk is an answering machine we have set up to our OYIT hotline. Please call in and leave an anonymous message. If we deem it worthy, it will show up in this weekly piece. Tell us what's on your mind. It doesn't even have to pertain to the website!

Fascism v Communism

Yeah, I wanted to call in about this a couple weeks ago, but the machine was full. Uh, there was a painting a high school kid did near me that caused a stir when it was taken down by the school. It was a pink and purple depiction of Obama with a hammer and sickle in the back ground. The school thought hanging it was a reflection on them, but by taking it down, they're now infringing on the artist's rights! This is America, and I know everybody's got their own opinion of Obama, but they've turned this communist statement into a fascist act! It's the mother of all ironies.


Link to the story.

Everybody's Barking At Me

Last week there was an advice letter from Cocolalla, Idaho, in The Mailbox of my paper, and the young lady was talking about the dogs barking in her neighborhood. I’m not sure I don’t live in her neighborhood, actually. I can’t step out on my own deck without having dogs on three sides barking at me. I’ve tried to convince them I’ve lived here since before they were born, but they don’t seem to get the message. Anyway, just wanted to comment that we do seem to have an awful lot of barking dogs in this town, and I don’t think putting shock collars on the dogs is going to do it — probably need shock collars on the people who own them.

Putting Their Faith in God and Obama

I feel like, with all the indifference going on in this world right now, there is somebody who truly loves America, and that is Barack Obama. And I, in turn, love Barack Obama. And I believe he inherited chaos to begin with. It’s not his fault. And the people who fault him are ignorant people, and I pray God’s angels would be around him to protect him and his family forevermore.

Please Don't Stop Saying It

I said it once, and I’ll say it again: Calling Margot Fonteyn a dancer is like calling Julia Child a cook. Margot Fonteyn was a prima ballerina renowned all over the world.

A 21st Century Tar-and-Feathering

I’m beginning to think if we would take all the people responsible for the spill and sit them in the oil, all covered from head to toe, maybe cleanup would happen a bit faster.

Vasectomies are like abortions because...?

I saw a letter in the paper from someone who was very much in favor of requiring that women requesting an abortion receive extensive information regarding the fetus and the procedure they were about to undertake. I’ll support that when our legislature passes a law that before a vasectomy is undertaken, the person undergoing the vasectomy has to watch a six-hour movie about the imaginary lives of all the children they won’t be able to create.

If Obama is Michael Jackson, that makes Bobby Jindal ______?

On May 11 Gov. Jindal of Louisiana called the federal government and the White House trying to get permission to build berms to protect the sensitive marshlands in Louisiana. It’s been more than three weeks, and the federal government and Obama administration haven’t done anything to issue all those permits. They’ve only gotten six approved of the 24 they applied for. If they’re trying to do everything possible to stop this catastrophe, they would allow Gov. Jindal to build those berms to protect those sensitive wildlife areas. Instead, all they do is go down there for photo opportunities, leave and go back up to Washington and party like it’s 1999.

This is turning into a whale of a debate!

Yeah, hi Texas Talk. Listen, do you think you could set me up with the person who called in about salting the great lakes? I own a salt company up-start out here in Utah and I'd be more than happy to get that contract. Thank you.
[OYIT cannot set you up because this is an anonymous line. We don't even have a caller ID log.]

Stop torturing him with your ignorance!

Why do people keep calling-in about this whale idea in Michigan? Did everyone forget their Bio 101 class in high school? Has no one been to a pet store and tried to buy saltwater fish for a freshwater tank? Didn't they stop you? Or heck, even go to an aquarium or zoo! You'll notice that they have salt and fresh water fish tanks! This is not hard to understand, people. Salting the Great Lakes has consequences! To use a quote from pop culture, "this ain't Sea World. This is as real as it gets!"

Brittany Murphy's Last Phone Call


By Bub 

The following is the transcript of Brittany's side of Brittany Murphy's last phone call.

Hello?

Oh hi there.

No I’m here by myself watching reruns of The Golden Girls.

Yea. You wont believe what Sophia just done. The girls were talking together and all of a sudden Rose said “I just had a thought” and Sophia goes – “Congratulations”! Haaaah hah!

No, no, no, it wasn’t a good idea or nothin’, Sophia was just pokin’ fun at Rose because she aint too bright.

Right, like cuz she’s Scandanavian or somethin’.

No you're thinking of Scientology.

Anyway, yea the hubby’s out of town and I am just kickin’ back – HAHAHAHAAAAAA!!

Sorry, sorry. It’s just this time Sophia said “I hate communism.” And Dorothy goes – “That’s because you were raised fascist Ma”!

No, not fashion, fascism. Like the political philosophy that conflates corporatism and the state often co-opting religion to serve its means.

Yea, like Franco!

No, not James Franco… Nevermind, so anyway what’s new with you and Bobby?

Oh my gawsh, that sounds amazing.

Ye.

Well if you’re asking my opinion I just think that – WAAAAAHHHHahAHAHahaHAHaH (high-pitched squealing and squeaking).

No, I know, I know, I’m sorry. It’s just these Golden Girls are so golden! Blanche just asked Rose “What was your first impression of me?” And Rose said, “I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut. I was wrong… You don't wear too much makeup.”!!! Oh my gawd!

No, she doesn’t wear too much make-up.

No that’s not the joke. It’s because she was wrong about the make-up but she didn’t say anything about Blanche being a slut.

Right.

No not you, honey. It implies that Blanche is a slut. (Which she is by the way).

Alright where were we, oh wait you gotta hear this line; “[Blanche: This is strictly off the record but Dirk is nearly five years younger than I am. Dorothy: In what, Blanche, dog years?] HHHAAAARRRRRRR HHHAAAARRRRR (squealing, squeaking), she’s so OLD, EHEHAHAHAHAH (chortling, snorting, gasping)frickin'... funny... (cough, wheeze, gurgle).

Silence.

[Rose: You know what they say: you can lead a herring to water, but you have to walk really fast or he'll die.]

Dialtone.