Good Morning, Riverdale!

By Jake

I don't think people like when I write about music because they're still listening to the same Pearl Jam and Blind Melon albums they had in middle school. Since the people who actually comment on articles (although anybody can comment on articles and I wish you would) don't like music from this decade, I'm going to switch the theme to something everybody loves: Archie Andrews.

Whether you love him or hate him, Archie is a pop culture icon on par with The Beatles or Elvis. His Ron Howard-like good looks has had the ladies swooning for 70 years. Archie truly is the ultimate man's man.

Archie lived every heterosexual man's dream of having sex with both types of women: blond and brunette. After years of casual flirtation and split milkshakes, Archie has finally decided to marry one of the girls...or did he? No, he didn't. It was all just a dream.

Marriage dream sequences aside, Archie lives the life we all want. He has friends, a car and got to hang out with The Punisher. Archie isn't living the American dream, he created it. From the jalopy to the casual flirting, Archie is the alpha male.

Okay, I would love to write more lies about Archie, but I just don't know enough about him. I've read a few Archie comics in my time, but I'm far from a scholar on the subject. I will leave you with this video:

Remember Christina Aguilera and The Strokes? They used to be things people listened to at the beginning of the last decade.


  1. ah...suddenly the clouds can't bring down my day. what with archie AND chrokes (that's christina w/ the strokes)? well all that could make this morning even better is cake for breakfast.

  2. I wish I could have turned the Archie stuff into its own article.