Life With Mikey [2-01-10]

By Mikey 

I just bought a new boccie ball set which was a huge mistake. I cannot wait until I can play a game, but it's just too cold right now. Worse yet, there's snow on the ground. I guess I can polish them until it's 60 degrees out.

They say houses need to settle, but it doesn't stop me from believing in ghosts.

Did anybody see Saw V? It was pretty scary. I'm never listening to my friend Mario's recommendations.

I would possibly consider eating a "funny" brownie, but I certainly wouldn't tell my boss about it. If you would, you're a real dingbat.

Is Val Kilmer still a leading man candidate?

I'd make mine Marvel if it was 1986!

The Dark Knight was a good movie. Glad I finally saw it.

Whatever happened to Danny Devito? Seems like the guy fell off my radar.

I've been drunk, I guess. It's been a pretty long time since I got sick from drinking though. Not since college.

I haven't had a baked potato since the last century. Somebody help me out!

A lot of people write me claiming I'm a misogynist, but I love my wife.

Chewing tobacco is really gross.

I heard Spider-man was gay in the comic books now. Is that true?

I wonder if directors would consider changing "Lights, camera, action" to "red light, yellow light, green light." I think it makes the most sense my way.

If apes ruled the planet in the future, I'd have to commit hari kari or whatever because they throw their "stuff" around if you catch my drift.


  1. I just bought a new boccie set a few months ago, adly i went the cheap route at walmart and the balls are plastic with water or, more likely semen in them.

  2. Just bake a potato dude. It's easy.

  3. HAHAHA. dear LORD. you are an IDIOT!

  4. The only advice you should take from Mario should be for plumbing and fighting Koopa Troopers. Danny Devito has been on the very popular and funny It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia on FX for several seasons now. It's probably the funniest thing he has ever done, but the only DeVito movies I know are My Cousin Lenny and Renaissance Man.

  5. every time i eat "funny" baked goods or smoke "funny" cigarettes, i accidentally tell my boss, and then he or she usually fires me. it's why i've had seven jobs in the last six months. i wish you would have written this column a lot sooner, mikey. :(

  6. Fuck all the Saws Mikey. Stick to Mighty Ducks, Shrek or whatever people your age watch.

  7. Mikey, let's you and I go get that baked potato together.

  8. I'm eating a baked potato right now you fat piece of shit!