Bobby Langston Blasts...Health Care Reform

By Bobby Langston 

I was a member of One Year in Texas way back in 2002, which was right after America's freedom was compromised in the World Trade Center attacks of September 11th, 2001. It was a much angrier, flag waving time in our nation's history. Unfortunately, it seems that patriotism has flown out the window along with my pet canary. Maybe I shouldn't have let my bird out of its cage while the window was open...maybe America shouldn't have either.

With the passing of health care reform on Sunday, March 21st, and Tuesday's signing of the bill by (your) President Obama, I think we can all agree that our freedom is no longer in tact. If I wanted to live in a socialist dystopia, I would move to Nazi Germany and live in a concentration camp. The reason I don't do that is because I simply do not have the cashflow to fund such a trip and because American soldiers - the same ones who will be put to death under this health care bill - liberated all the camps during WWII.

Why do I oppose health care reform? It's simple, I already have health insurance that is paid for by my employer and I don't see why I should have to pay for yours. If you have cancer you should die. God gave you that cancer and didn't give you health insurance because you did something wrong. Maybe you're a homosexual or you vandalized a school with spray paint in the early 1990s-- I really don't know and, honestly, I don't want to know.

I work hard for my family's income and the last thing I want to do with it is pay for your abortion or for some stoner's medical marijuana (both of which are supported in this health care reform bill). If a white woman gets impregnated by a black man, why should I have to pay for the delivery of this mulatto child? If your gay son gets AIDS, why should I have to buy him an AIDS cocktail? The only gay person I will ever buy a cocktail for is my younger brother when he turns 21 years old.

Like many of you, I watched the health care reform debates and the vote on Cold War Veterans Appreciation Day. Also like you, I was completely disgusted by the copious amounts of bullshit the Democrats were spewing into my ears. John Boehner's passionate speech made me weep with joy. Finally, I thought to myself, somebody who has a good head on their shoulders and can speak the truth. I try to model myself after Boehner, even if that means buying case after case of spray tan every month.

While the liberals applaud Obama as if he's Snoop Dogg finishing a particular "killer" set of raps, I sit here and wonder how this country got into such bad shape in the last year. Everything was so great when George W. Bush was my President. The only thing we had to worry about was Janet Jackson's nipple slipping out on national TV and terrorist attacks. Those days were free and easy as far as I'm concerned. Now we have to fight for the last scrap of bread (not me, I have a great job and can afford to order steaks from Omaha-- I'm just making a point) instead of living in the lap of luxury like we were just a mere few years ago. Now anybody with under three dollars can go to the gas station and buy a gallon of petrol. This is not the country that I used to live in and I wish they would change the name of it to something that reflected its current state.



  2. Oh, I'm glad we gave this guy a forum to rant. Next thing you know he'll be having idiots throwing bricks through democratic headquarters.

  3. dear god this is SO FUNNY. OMG.

  4. I agree with Maddie. How about the United Stated of Tara?!?

  5. after i read this i went right out and bought a confedarate flag AND american flag shirt.
    seriously, this was hilarious!