First Round of Submissions : One Year In Texas Annual Good Morning Miami Fan Fiction Contest

By Bub 

Welcome to the One Year In Texas Annual Good Morning Miami Fan Fiction Contest. The best thing about this fan fiction contest is that you don't have to be a fan nor do you have to submit fiction. You don't even have to be LITERATE! You can just copy and paste full scripts from the original Good Morning Miami, or you can even mash your sore-covered paws into the keyboard for ten minutes. Whatever you submit, I'll post it, you'll win. It's that simple folks. Email your entries to Prizes are still TBA but one thing is for certain, they'll involve murder. Anyway here is the first round of submissions, enjoy!

Good Morning, Miami. How are you doing, how about this weather? Who had the diet Sprite? Let me introduce myself, my name is Lipitor and I will be your server today. Welcome to the Missile Crisis Cafe, L.A.'s finest Cuban and Russian fusion bistro. Today's special is the banana leaf borscht, that's traditional beetroot borscht poured into a banana leaf boat topped with Crimean raisins to resemble a traditional Cuban family fleeing their homeland. You can have that with a side of coconut flavored eggplant mash or cucumber and cabbage croquetas. The chef is recommending the plantain and pork-jowl aspic which comes with either vodka arroz or black beans in sour milk; and dulce de hard-boiled eggs for desert. I'll get you started with some chips and our famous salted herring salsa, hasta la victoria siempre, and remember, let me know if you need a refill of that diet Sprite.

Second World Sass
Blue Note Betty
Columbia, Missouri

"Good morning Miami, for the last time."

A crash is heard as the Miami skyline snow-globe that was just hurled explodes against the wall. Then another. Then, another. Then more and more in rapid succession until a great sonic fury of breaking glass and water splashing drowns out his gleeful howls. This continues for about thirty seconds until his box of snow globes is empty.

"Alright cheerful winter scene, are you satisfied?"

Suffocated by Snow Globes
Lipitor Samuels
Shepherdsville, Kentucky

DJ: Welcome to Good Morning Miami, caller you're on the air.

Caller: Good morning, I was just wondering about the traffic, is this a live traffic update broadcast?

DJ: Yes it is! Next caller.

Caller: Hello, I caught my grandson with a water hose under his bed and my husband thinks he may be a homosexual, what can I do?

DJ: Perhaps a water hose is just the thing you and Mr. Grandma need. Next caller.

Caller: Marcos? Marcos?? Can I speak with Marcos???

DJ: Why of course, it doesn't sound as if you'd have any trouble at all. Next caller.

Caller: Hello, Good Morning Miami. I'm tired of my taxes going to pay for my own food stamps. All I can think to do is fly a plane into a building, any suggestions?

DJ: You may want to start off small and gain experience. First, try flying a plane into tent at a camp ground, next caller.

Caller: Hey y'all I was just wonderin' if you had to choose would you give up yer subscription to the Economist or the New Yorker?

DJ: Neither, I only subscribe to the basketball fanzine Slam! Next caller.

Caller: Yea, whatever happened to Lynard Skynard?

DJ: He died in a plane wreck, at a campground I believe, next caller.

Caller: Hi. How many times does it take till you make it all the way across the globe?

DJ: It depends, but, seven. Next caller.

Caller: Hi Good Morning Miami, do you know who this is?

DJ: Uh...

Caller: That's right, it's me, Good Morning Dallas. You didn't think I'd find your number, did you? I guess that's why you never called mine after I gave it to you after you impregnated me on the coffee bar of a Waffle House?!

DJ: Aye aye...

Caller: Well Mister Pepper Pants, expect the State of Florida to be making a regular visit to your paycheck. Say hello to your son, Carlos.

Baby Caller: goo goo, goo-d morning...

DJ: Next caller.

Unexpected Caller
Canadian Bub
Waterloo, Ontario


  1. This is so fucking funny. You can expect an entry into this contest from me to arrive in your inbox very shortly.

  2. hahaha, at last! my dream of you murdering someone will be fulfilled!1


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