Good Morning; Four Theatrical Releases In One Day Edition!

By Katy

Morning! Since there are four movies to get through today we're going to jump right into the pile! What a mix. Some war, some love, some war and love, some lovely war, some loved war and Carlos Mencia. Hold on tight!

Today's Theatrical Releases

  • Green Zone: (Rated R for unpronounceable names)

  • Synopsis: This movie seems to take place during the 2003 occupation of Iraq, after the war was won. Some jackasses were under the impression that there were mass weapons of destruction hidden somewhere in this crazy desert and they go looking for them, led by Chief Warrant Officer Roy Miller (Matt Damon). They find weapons of mass destruction and the US wins the war again. This film is was written by Donald Rumsfeld and directed by Colin Powell. It won the war AND three Oscars on Sunday.

    My Take: War movies are totally blah. For me, movies are an escape from reality, not a twisted rendition of the history I already sort of lived through via media outlets. Now that my workplace has decided to take a military disciplinary stance, I really don't need any outside reminders of the armed forces, Oscar winning or not.

  • Remember Me (Rated PG-13 for an ingenious way to make massive sales on this movie.)

  • Synopsis: Two teenagers played by Robert Pattinson and Emilie de Ravin, fall madly in love in the wake of their respective family tragedies. Both have lost a love one, and this is the classic tale of the brooding male who finds comfort in the girl who lives life to its fullest.

    My Take: Robert Pattison is the new Ryan Gosling. I think we all know this. I'm sure this movie is probably so adorable you want to yak, and I could see myself secretly throwin' it on the Netflix queue for a night in alone with a bottle of wine. Actually, I'll probably just take the bottle of wine to the theatre and start crying in the first ten minutes just so everyone knows how moved I am by the love of these children.

  • She's Out of My League (Rated R for the large disconnect with reality.)

  • Synopsis: Kirk (Jay Baruchel) is a 5. Molly (Alice Eve) is a 10. That means Kirk is super average and normal and lame and Molly is like, the hottest thing since nuclear fusion. Can you believe these two kids hook up?! But this story isn't about the love they build with each other. This is about Kirk not possibly understanding why someone who spends three hours a day making sure they look perfect would want to spend their time with a weirdo with spiking hair. Love is all in the looks.

    My Take: I saw the preview for this movie when I went to see Shutter Island. It seemed to have potential, the first seven seconds of the preview, and then it just went to boring. I don't even remember most of it, other than thinking, this movie looks worse than Obama's America. And just like Obama's America I can choose whether or not I want to be a part of it. Tea Parties, here I come.

  • Our Family Wedding: (Rated PG-13 for Carlos Mencia's poorly executed humor)
    Synopsis: A couple returning from college announces their wedding plans to their parents who go ape shit and start throwing racial epithets over Twitter. Carlos Mencia is hilarious. J/K, he's totally not.

    My Take: I was prepared to drone about how frickin' awful this movie looks BEFORE I saw Carlos Mencia had a part in it. Now there's just no chance. Any brave soul that wastes $9.25 on this should probably stop reading OYIT. You don't belong here.

    1. so what you're saying is don't go to the theater - ever.

    2. Ha! Are they racist against half-Germans>? Is 'She's Out of My League' about Obama's America?! Who is Ryna Gosling@?>?!?@> I'm so confused!!?!? I really liked this GM.

    3. Great post. We might as well just call this Katy's Movie Picks though! Because the weather wasn't even mentioned.

      I will go see the Green Zone. You should too.

    4. this was gr8. it is the exact opposite of our family wedding. i killed three people in the theatre after seeing the trailer for she's out of my league. it seemed like the only reasonable thing to do. i'll see remember me because there is a hot vampire in it. i'll see green zone cos i'm a big fan of donald rumsfeld's screenplay work. he did a good job on madea's family reunion.