Saved by the Bell: Fatal Distraction

By Jake

Episode 6312: Fatal Distraction

Now that Slater has settled into Bayside, let's see what Zack, Kelly and the rest of the gang are up to. This is the second episode if you go by production code, which, of coure, I do.

The Players:
Zack Morris
Kelly Kapowski
Lisa Turtle
A.C. Slater
Jessie Spano
Samuel "Screech" Powers
Richard Belding
Rhonda Robistelli
Max

The halls of Bayside are littered with bustling California teens. A banner hangs above their heads, "Girls Choice Dance," it reads. Zack walks over to his locker dressed as-- in an attempt to stir up controversy with the Middle East-- a shiek. He is incognito due to the big Girls Choice Dance. He doesn't want any girls asking him until Kelly gets a chance. He may want to go with Kelly, but so does Slater. The choice is up to Kelly! Rhonda Robistelli, the holder of the school shot-put record, also gets a choice and she's after Zackie.

Zack brings a stack of magazines to Lisa as a trade for her knowledge of who Kelly is going to the dance with. She reads a poll she took, which is hardly scientific. She should have just asked Kelly. Zack offers Lisa his Bon Jovi tickets and she tells him that Kelly is going with Zack...or Slater. Zack takes his tickets off the table.

At the Max, Lisa, Jessie, Slater and Zack are chewing the fat over some Max-burgers. We find out about Jessie's big slumber party, which Kelly will be attending. Zack wonders if a slumber party is a place where girls spill their guts. It is! Lisa and Jessie say they will not tell Slater and Zack who Kelly is taking to the dance because it would be an invasion of her privacy. I wonder if Kelly would even care. Max brings Zack a shake and does a couple of awful magic tricks. Rhonda is still chasing Zack. Rhonda is at least more attractive than Jessie, plus I bet she likes rough sex.

Zack and Screech are in Jessie's bedroom hiding a bug. Let's call it Slumbergate. Jessie is heading to her room, so Zack and Screech hide under her bed. Luckily she leaves before she can see Zack emerge from under her bed with stockings on his head. Zack and Screech are back at Zack's house listening to the girls gossip. They're eating pizza and Lisa says something about pepperoni, which triggers a fantasy sequence for Screech. One girl wonders why God created boys, and Jessie says it was so they could have something to talk about at slumber parties. Jessie's view of Christianity is a bit askew, don't you think? Kelly says she's going to take Zack to the dance. Zack cheers and the girls hear him. He tries to cover it up by acting like he's watching the Lakers, but Kelly is a huge fan of James Worthy and knows there is no game that night. This leads to Jessie finding the bug.

Zack and Screech are trying to fix the tape machine. Lisa finds the violation of their privacy romantic. Kelly wants to get back. They pretend to play a game where they take turns telling their darkest secret. I don't know what it's called, maybe Secret Roullette. Lisa's is shoplifting. Kelly's is that she's abusive to her boyfriends. Jessie is the worst actor in all of Bayside. She keeps saying stuff like "Whoa really?" in a very exagerated way. Regardless, Zack is completely freaked out. Screech then references GLOW (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling).

Back in the halls of Bayside, Screech is dressed like Michael Jackson because Lisa said MJ was her ideal man at the slumber party. Lisa freaks out and threatens Screech. Jessie and Zack are talking about Kelly. Jessie does some more awful acting and tells Zack that she doesn't want to see him hurt and kisses him goodbye. Slater rolls in on a wheelchair. He tells Zack that Kelly put him in the chair. Zack doesn't believe it, but Slater convinces him. He's a much better actor than Jessie, which is why Mario Lopez is still a household name.

Zack is in Belding's office looking through the school records to make sure that Kelly is crazy. He sees that Kelly was in a home for the criminally insance. Belding walks in and Zack begs for help. Mr. Belding laughs hysterically and mocks Zack at the thought of Kelly being able to hurt him. Belding tries to put Zack at ease, but instead makes him more freaked out.

A note is being passed to Zack, it's from Kelly and it says "you can run but you can't hide." The bell rings. Lisa knocks the books out of Zack's hand, leaving him alone in the classroom with Kelly. Zack asks the audience to call 911, which I did. The operator was livid. Kelly is wiedling a baseball bat. She backs Zack up against the wall. He tries to escape, but the door is locked. Kelly's pants are up to her ribs. She's getting a headache. Zack escapes and says that he already has a date.

The dance is at the Max for some reason. I'm guessing they hadn't built a gym set. Zack is dancing with Rhonda. So in the end Zack does go with Rhonda. Kelly gives Zack the bug, and Lisa and Jessie also come clean about the fake mental institution diploma. Zack asks Kelly if she was going to take him to the dance and she says "you'll never know." Rhonda invites Zack over to her house for some premarital sex. Zack says he has to get home and Rhonda lays a huge french-style kiss on him. The End.