Good Morning Parents

By Bub 

I am alive. I thought I was dying. It turns out, I just ate a lot of beets. You see, beets have the capacity to change the color of just about anything it comes in contact with to the reddish purple color of beet. This contact, I now know after a frantic call to my doctor this morning, does not have to happen externally. So in honor of my still being alive and of the guy that died in the subway forcing me to get off two stops early, let's celebrate.

If you are a mother, you may think that the celebrations are over. However if you are a sexy latin mother, or a chattel sex slave to an arab sheik/mother you are in luck, because Mother's Day is celebrated on May 10 in Mexico, El Salvador, Guatemala, Saudi Arabia, Oman, Qatar, and the United Arab Emirates.

Fathers don't feel left out because you can celebrate Father's Day in Romania in 2009! (It fell on May 9th this year)

If you are not a mother or a father and have never had one then you may be a mushroom.

If you ARE a mushroom, don't panic, this type of condition usually clears itself up within 24-48 hours.

If you aren't a mushroom and ALSO do not have a child or children then enjoy this video:

And here to do our guest predictions is our friend Hot Rod:

Today's prediction/weather: 22

Today's Mento's commercial: The one where the guy gives the little kid a mentos.

Today's Robot Holocaust: scary

Today's salad is: boring

Today's salamander: died when I forgot to feed him ever

Today's music is: Puttin on the Ritz by Taco, cuz one; I like tacos, and two; whenever I am eating Ritz crackers I like to play this song and put one of the crackers over my eye like a rich person.

Today's beating: hurt my feelings more than my back

Today's club is: bumpin' bumpin'.

Today's ladies: leave your man at home.

Today's Child is: Destined.

Sorry that Destiny's Child song came on the radio in my head...

Have a good morning, and remember, remember the Alamo!!!


  1. I love Hot Rod. I also enjoyed the format of this GM. All of the bolded words have my senses working overtime.

  2. I love beets. They are the most underrated vegetable this side of the Maginot Line.

  3. I wish I had read this three days ago for it's awesomeness, but I'm glad I finally read it at all. I approve of this format. And Hot Rod.