Good Morning Sarah's Girls

By Sarah 

As you may know, the beauty elites crowned a new Miss USA over the weekend. What you may not know is that this Miss USA wouldn't even be recognized as a legal US citizen if she were ever to visit the only real state in the union, Arizona. Now I don't mind who you sacrifice animals to, be it Khtulu or Steve Jobs, but the founding fathers never envisioned a 'Moslem' instructing our vulnerable Christian Youth as to the latest fashion in suicidue bombing belts. No sir, that's not the America I know and love that exists mainly in my fevered dreams. So to put a little patriotism back into loving America I am going to show you the real Misses USAs. You won't find these women sipping champaign and wearing clothes from a several hundred-thousand dollar wardrobe. They wont be damning America in their pre-meal prayers at the Russian Tea Room or Olive Garden. They'll be at home, waiting for their husbands to sober up, shedding silent tears, of pride, for their country. Without further ado, I present to you Sarah's Girls!

Back in the day only liberal snobs owned cats. They were exotic creatures that had to be captured by expeditions of slaves to The Dark Countries. This real American had the guts to ask 'What's wrong with the wolves we have right here in America?' When nobody answered, she safety pinned one to her favorite hat. You should have seen the look on those red-diapered America-last crowders when they saw her walking down the street with that bloody wolf cub's corpse stuck to her hat. Well, she got her point across and no one ever bought a cat again.

You can bet this gal has never even heard of 'Quinoa' or 'Asparagus'. This is a down home country girl that loves intestined-cased bloody meet-n-organ slurry so much she doesn't have time to run to the ice box to fetch a fresh one. She is the real 'working girl' here, not that Stalin-stroker Melanie Griffith.

This is the sausage lady from above pictured 2 years later. This is the kind of real American women the liberal media doesn't want you to see - those that love their country so much that they are willing to buy and consumre in order to increase their body mass, and in turn America's territory, even at the cost of her own health and odor.

This good ole girl took a nod from the wolf lady and decided to go one step further - to a live crab. No only is this woman supporting America's small businesses by wearing a giant crab on her hat but she is honoring God by showing everyone that no atheist scientist could ever produce something as wondrous as life. Of course this was too much for Big Brother to handle, and after the crab attacked several children and passersby, they locked Crab Lady up in their Western version of the gulag - the psychiatric facility. Crab Lady, we will never forget.

Some say that I don't like blacks. That couldn't be further from the truth. I don't like MOST blacks. But ones from the Jim Crow era or earlier or mostly alright in my book. Like the gal pictured here. Miss, your disenfranchisement made America a better place, God bless you and those adorable little children that you don't take care.

And last but certainly not least, what liberal America is lacking above all - modesty. You wont see this gal wearing any of those fashionable nipple-less tube tops that you buy at Prada, and you certainly wont catch her reading Soviet propaganda in the Pravda. She is American through and through - Christian, humble, racist and strong - and she, like YOU are one of 'Sarah's Girls'.


  1. I'm glad someone took on the injustice that happened last night at the "Miss USA America" pageant held by Donald Trump and having NBA basketball players as judges.

  2. I'm just saddened to learn that I missed the Miss USA America pageant.

  3. haha. this is gr8. i DVRed the pageant but haven't been able to watch yet.