Good Morning Michael Jackson

By Keelin 

Good morning to everyone here on earth and in heaven. And by those in heaven, I of course mean Michael Jackson, who died one year ago today. (Unless he's secretly still alive as some YouTube videos suggest). Those of you who were alive one year ago may remember the devastation that gripped America upon the passing of this cultural icon. Those of you not alive a year ago probably can't read this anyway, so your value to society and this website is marginal at best.

Michael Jackson entertained the world for decades with his singing, dancing, and dermatology. And the anniversary of his death has hit us hard once again. In Denver, a polar bear named Frosty died of grief yesterday ("grief" is the lay term for "renal disease"). Mariah Carey, meanwhile, is dealing with this loss by buying all of Michael Jackson's old furniture and festooning it with butterflies and glitter. She read about this treatment in the DSM-IV.

Today's MJ Weather Forecast

Unfortunately, it's impossible to know the weather forecast because all the news networks are playing montages of Michael Jackson's videos on an endless loop. I'd say it looks kind of overcast right now, but I can't be sure since repetitive listening of "Thriller" has dulled my analytical abilities.

Today's MJ Fact

Unless you are Joe Jackson, there is probably nothing about Michael Jackson that you don't already know.

Today's MJ Prediction

You will see at least one guy dressed as Michael Jackson on your way to work. A little part of you will die inside.


  1. I miss Michael Jackson the musician but not Michael Jackson the alleged pedophile.

  2. I really like your GMs, Keelin. I just thought I should express that to you and the five other people that read the comments and vote in the poll.

  3. He IS still alive! He's living in Hunter Thompson's secret pedophile bunker in Colorado!! Great GM Keelin!!!

  4. Yeah where is the body? No plane hit him so how did he fall?

  5. MJ is one of God's children that was caught in the way but I believe he will be saved but is going through alot of tests afterdeath. This is very scary and I can totally feel that there has been a shift in humanity in the last year. Something Bad is about to happen and it is not safe for me to say on here. But if you'd like to share theories I am open. This is sickening as I am aware of the occult and summer solstice day was 3-4 days before his death. Crazy and they attacked his heart which has undoutedly affected all of our heart chakras. This is DEEP!!!

  6. Haha! I am feeling my heart chakra right now!! Oh no, it's just heart disease!!!