Judge Judy: Burrows v. Britt

By Bub 

You are about to enter the courtroom of Judge Judith Sheindlin.

The people are real.

The cases are real.

The rulings are final.

This is her courtroom.

This is Judge Judy.

Commercial Fisherman Harry Burrows and his wife Beth are suing their deceased son’s friend 25 year old construction worker Cameron Britt and his mother Judy Britt. The Burrows claim Cameron refuses to pay back a car loan.

"Your Honor this is Case number 37 on the calendar: Burrows v. Britt"

“I met him through a friend of a friend of my deceased son’s,” began the almost grandfatherly drawl of someone more stupid than Southern but unquestioningly both.

Harry wants ‘His Money’ back from his fellow Chesapeake Virginian and one-time vicarious son, Cameron. He continued to attempt to explain the circumstance of the exchange. But he quickly reverted to blubbering incomprehensible noises, as he was used to doing Back Home because someone failed to administer the proper amount of switch lashings in his childhood which had condemned him to a lifetime of drooling mumbled muck in the place that real words should be.

He gnawed at the air trying to paint a deliberate picture of his thoughts, his imagined agreements with the defendant, and the tragedy of his son’s death in spite of not having practiced more deliberation over the past year than deciding on occasion that ‘that dog don’t hunt.’ It is apparent that his subconscious is playing the role of co-conspirator to his ignorance in choking back especially hard on attempts to relay subject matter related to Harry’s emotions; dealing with his son’s loss, his own mortality. It is probable that ignorant fear has led Harry to suppress dealing with both issues, the latter for all his life, and will continue to do so as long as he lives.

Harry wears a fisherman’s version of a Hawaiian shirt. Instead of a Hawaiian vision of paradise; Beach-Sunsets and Palm-Trees, there is Harry’s; an assortment of albacore, blue marlin, striped bass, and swordfish. The finely toned muscles of his cheekbones and around his eye cavities betray a lifetime of sneering with contempt at the Tragedy of the world, and more often than that, sneering at those who empathize with its victims. But it also reveals his habit of protecting his brain from ideas that would challenge the justification for his very existence by squinting his eyes in conversations or at threatening visions, pursing his lips and contracting the auriculares muscles around his ears in an attempt seal off all vulnerable orifices from informational penetration. In addition, it reflects the necessity he once felt to adopt a steely gaze along with many other hardening techniques to survive confinement among brutal children in incarceration during at least one prolonged period throughout his life.

Still, it is obvious that deep sadness, real sadness, pours out when he mentions the death of his son. In his life from that point on, everything automatically has had a mocking contingency to that traumatic event. It is as though a nightmare is stuck inside his head instead of a pop song and it colors every schema he builds around new input. This is what has led us here to today. This is why he is suing his dead son’s friend. And it is why he is doomed to fail - almost. If not for young Cameron’s baffling idiocy, Harry’s case would have probably been dismissed. Such is the awesome perceptiveness of Judge Judy’s rulings. Justice lay not only in outcomes of factually based narratives, but also in the abatement of worldviews, temperaments, and other intellectual-emotional ephemera that lead to injustice.

If Harry is Jim Varney, then Cameron Britt is a pudgy a-musical Justin Timberlake with a lobotomy and Harry’s wife Beth is the Britney Spears in that universe which lobotomized JT would have dumped. She is basically irrelevant so I will let her speak for herself. But Cameron is so hurtfully dumb that despite most of the (inferential) evidence coming down on his side, he fights with Judge Judy over a minor plot point that would have actually supported his case. And J.J. in her real-time wrath remittance sees fit to punish him for his immediate errs rather than reward him for acting impeccably in a situation that is part of a larger skewed reality that has as its fundament illiteracy and smallness.

J.J: Mr. Britt, now I’ll hear from you
Defendant: How You doin’?
J.J.: Excuse me?
Defendant: How’re you doing this morning?
J.J.: That’s not relevant to the case.

An alleged $3,000 was loaned.

Cameron claimed that he worked the loan off by fishing with Harry

Harry claimed that they went on a fishing 'eskurzhun' which apparently is something that you do when you profit from someone's services without having to pay for them.

Not so.

Judgment for the Plaintiff in the amount of $1,250.

That’s all. Parties are excused.


  1. This is so good. It makes my recap of ALF look like a recap of...well, I guess, ALF.

  2. I watched some Judge Judy yesterday actually. Didn't see this one.

    Also, "that dog won't hunt" is always a debate stopper. I'm pretty sure Stephen Douglas used it against Abe Lincoln at some point.

  3. this is great! how do i not remember this from the first time around??

  4. i think cameron is soooo sexy mwah xxx


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