Good Morning fruit

By Glenn 

Good morning. I have been eating a lot of fruit lately. This might, at first, seem like a trivial and borderline offensive subject to raise in the temple that is the One Year in Texas good morning post. However, fruit is good. We need more fruit in people's lives - it could stop the next generation from having Type II diabetes which, as sure as the sun will rise, they will have unless we eat more fruit.

Today's Weather

My dream weather would be this picture. Imagine it - you walk outside after legally emancipating yourself from your parents - only to see it raining fruit! At first you're disturbed by the size disparities, as an orange slice and blackberry are the same size. You might think your sense of perception has been ruined by your decision to walk out on your family. But it hasn't. It's as sharp as it's ever been. While everyone else is seeing rain drops you are seeing delicious fruit. Open your mouth and look towards the sky because no one is going to tell you what to do anymore.

Today's Fruit

I'm sure it will elicit tons of angry emails by choosing one particular fruit, but can I just give a mad "shout out" to strawberries?I don't mean "mad" in the crazy sense, the way the picture implies. Strawberries just taste very good and they make it as today's fruit because I used to have low expectations for them. I grew up around strawberries, and one was actually the lawyer that helped me legally emancipate myself from my parents, but I never really tried to eat them whole. Then once I moved to New York (The "Big Strawberry"), I gave them a shot and realized they actually taste pretty good when you stop crying from the pain of anally ingesting them. I wish there was a better way to eat them.

Today's Sale on Fruit

Wow, look at those prices! I searched all over the internet using Lycos and Hotbot to find the best deals on fruit before finding this sale. The nice thing about a fruit cup, besides the fact that it comes in a cup and has been blessed by a Muslim cleric, is that it has all different kinds of fruit! And instead of existing in some reality between life and death, it exists in a fruit syrup. The syrup is not as good for you as the fruit though so please do not drink it. One dollar for a fruit cup is a very good price. This picture is quite cute as well, though becomes less cute when you find out it was drawn by Charles Manson.

Today's Prediction
OYIT will get a cease and desist order from Charles Manson in the mail. We assume the liquid covering it is fruit syrup, but it later turns out to be something else. In honor of getting our first fan letter (as he will also indicate he is an avid reader), the entire full time staff will get swastikas tattooed on their foreheads. The catch? The swastika is inside a strawberry. That way no one will think we are racist, insane murderers - just huge fruit fans who vote Democratic.


  1. This was a very funny GM post. It seems like you were in a good mood when you wrote, which must mean that you finally lost your virginity. Way to go! Remind me to high-five you the next time I see you.

  2. Haha, I laughed as much at Jake's comment as at this GM post. But both were pretty good.

  3. Haha! This was 'super' funny!! I love it, and now I only eat fruit!!!

  4. You know what hurts more to anally ingest? Pineapples. Quit yer bitchin.

  5. glenn's one regret in life was not getting legally emancipated.