Life With Mikey [7-12-10]

By Mikey 

They say it's not the heat, it's the humidity, but I don't believe that. I believe that it's a combination of the two.

I don't chew much gum, but I subscribe to a Bazooka Joe RSS Feed.

I'm glad monster trucks aren't street legal.

Oil is a better reason for a war than the assassination of an archduke, don't you think?

A lot of my political beliefs are based on David Letterman monologues.

I'm not a member of the NRA, but I'm not against guns.

I don't agree or disagree with laws, I just follow them.

I'm not interested in poetry.

Golf is not exciting. It doesn't matter how much adultery is being committed; it's just so boring.

Why would a robber only steal hamburgers? Why not steal things worth money?

I was just thinking about the Million Man March the other day.

Coppertone has the sunscreen market locked up. They're unbeatable.

My diet doesn't allow me to eat at Arby's often, but whenever they get a new sandwich you'll find me there.

Do Fig Newtons count as fruit?

When is Malcom in the Middle coming to DVD?

Jeff Foxworthy isn't a traditonal leading man, but he gets the job done.


  1. "I don't agree or disagree with laws, I just follow them."

    That should be your epitaph. Fig Newtons do not count as fruit, they are fucking cookies, dummy!

  2. Oh and "Jeff Foxworthy isn't a traditonal leading man, but he gets the job done." is maybe the funniest Mikeyism I've read in a while. What movies is he being cast as a leading man!?

  3. I'm most impressed by the fact that Mikey knows how WWI started. And that he doesn't eat at Arby's everday.

  4. I guess you were too busy seething over the Million Man March to notice a little sunscreen company called Banana Boat! When was the last time you got a free f*&*ing hamburger Mikey?!? If Monster Trucks WERE legal, I'd make hamburger meat out of YOU with mine!!!

  5. I'm willing to bet Mikey cheats on his diet ALL the time.

  6. Thank you, Mikey, for boldly admitting that it is both the heat AND the humidity that "get you." I have been advocating that since 5th grade, and I am always struck with the long arm of Big Humidity.

  7. I can tell you from PERSONAL KNOWLEDGE that it is the humidity! Dry heat is nothing.

  8. malcom in the middle? really??! i pity you, mikey. PITY YOU.