Jake's Monday Morning Mixed Bag 2

By Jake 

I bought a new toaster yesterday. My brother just moved out and took his toaster oven. Will buying a toaster make me happy? I don't think so. The toasted bread and english muffins might momentarily. Do toasted bread products make you happy?

Okay, this is an attempt at a Sinbad/any horrible family comedian style bit.

How do you guys feel about yard work? (Boos) Yeah, me too. You gotta do it, though, right? You gotta do the yard work. You don't want your neighbors mad at you. The last thing you want is to have your neighbors get up in face about your grass and weeds. "Could you please mow your lawn. The appearance is very upsetting." Man, I don't want to mow my darn lawn, all right? Get off my back, already. Let me get back to doing something useful like taking a nap. If you have kids, you can make them do the yard work, right? My parents made me do yard work all the time. Raking the leaves, mowing the lawn, cutting down trees, all that junk. Man, I hated doing yard work and I still do. I will always hate doing it. I like plants. They give us oxygen and shade, and yet I only do yard work just to keep my neighbors away from me.

Here's an interesting thing I just read about Alice Coltrane on Rate Your Music:
Alice Coltrane was a classically trained pianist and harpist who married John Coltrane in 1965. She replaced McCoy Tyner in Coltrane's band and would continue to record with Coltrane until his death in 1967. She would later convert to Hinduism and changed her name to Swamini Turiyasangitananda.

That would be a good user name on a webforum.

Thanks for reading, bye.


  1. Haha that name is fucked up. We found a toaster oven on the street and it is the only thing that has truly made me happy this summer.

  2. Hahah! I loved your Sinbad bit!! Your existential questions about toast!!! and your suggestion for a webforum username!!!!

  3. jake, you had me at "sinbad."